Friday, July 6, 2007

Say What? Oh No He Didn't

Instead of breaking down the Tour de France like everyone else, I thought now would be a good time to revisit some quotes that may or may not have been uttered during the many pre-race press conferences. In this exercise, you will have to choose who the listed statements are attributed to. For reference, all of these quotes are real. Once again, I wish I could make this stuff up.

Here We Go:

"I make love to pressure."
-- Golden State Warriors Guard Stephen Jackson OR Alexandre Vinokourov discussing the pressure of being the favorite to win the Tour de France.

"You only get a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity so many times."
-- Steelers CB Ike Taylor OR Levi Leipheimer talking about leading an American team in the Tour?

"All you're doing right now is just flabbergasting your mouths because there are no solid answers right now."
-- Emmitt Smith to reporters at Cardinals camp OR Oscar Periero on the media’s dismissal of his chances?

"I may have smoked too much weed, but I wasn't taking drugs or anything."
-- Mike Tyson on his loss to Lennox Lewis OR Miguel Indurain on why he lost the ’96 Tour to Bjarne Riis?

"I didn't quit because I failed a drug test. I failed a drug test because I was ready to quit."
-- Ricky Williams OR Jan Ullrich?

"I wasn't 100 percent into it and if I'm not 100 percent into something, I can't do it. That's just how real I am."
-- Mase on why he retired from rap OR Bjarne Riis on why he will not attend the 2007 Tour de France?

"Everybody who knows me knows how I get down."
-- Michael Vick denying rumors that he's gay OR Alejandro Valverde responding to Puerto accusations?

"I drink to excess, I gamble to excess, but everyone knows it, so it's not a big deal."
-- Las Vegas mayor Oscar Goodman to MLB officials OR Floyd Landis’ Manager on his next job application?

"It's one of those things when you are in a role you have to do what they ask you to do. If they want me to come in and stick it in, I have to come in and stick it in."
-- Jerome Bettis on his changing role with the Steelers OR the former T-Mobile doctors on their doping complicity?

"The knee feels fine, I've been training Confuciously."
--Mike Tyson telling ESPN's Pedro Gomez about his latest comeback OR Christian Vandevelde speaking of his recent crashes?

"It's bad for me because I've never been in jail that long."
-- Rafael Furcal on his 21-day jail sentence OR Dr. Fuentes discussing the possibility of a criminal conviction?

"I may not be a class act, but I'm an American."
-- Ron Artest on wanting to play for the Olympic team OR George W. Bush explaining why he is rooting for Levi Leipheimer in the 2007 Tour de France?

"If someone saw me in the shower, they'd never think I was on the juice."
-- Jason Schmidt OR Lance Armstrong?

"What comes out of the microwave hot doesn't always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning."
-- Shaquille O'Neal, following the Heat's comeback win over the Celtics OR Dave Zabriskie commenting on mountain stages that start in the warmth of lower elevations?

"A completely magical bend of enchanting scents and flavors, with a hint of cupcakes."
-- Britney Spears on her new fragrance OR Freddy Rodriguez's description of the new Clif Bar flavor?

"Don't say I don't get along with my teammates. I just don't get along with some of the guys on the team."
-- Terrell Owens OR Gilberto Simoni?

"Every decade has had some taint."
-- Baseball commish Bud Selig downplaying the long-term effects of the current steroids problem OR WADA Chairman Dick Pound vowing to convict everyone that has ever doped in the history of organized sports?

"The sun has been there for 500, 600 years ... "
-- Mets outfielder Mike Cameron, after teammate Carlos Beltran lost a ball in the sun against the Dodgers OR Tour de France honchos Christian Prudhomme and Patrice Clerc explaining their understanding of science, facts and history?

"On a scale of one to 10, I would say 60 to 65 percent."
-- NBA union rep Billy Hunter, talking about how far apart the union and the owners are on the issues in the current NBA collective bargaining agreement negotiations OR UCI President Pat McQuaid describing the legitimacy of the new UCI anti-doping statement?

"He had to cut the wind with his balls, which is something we had to see."
-- 49ers coach Mike Nolan, commenting on the team's private workout with Alex Smith before the 2005 draft OR Johan Bruyneel on why he left Tom Danielson off the Discovery Channel Tour squad.

"It moisturizes my situation and maintains my sexy."
-- P. Diddy in an infomercial for Proactiv skin care OR the slogan for my new chamois cream.

"Don't get me wrong, everything the media writes is not wrong. But I'd say 99 percent of it is wrong, in my opinion, but I don't read the newspaper, so I don't know. I hear things, though."
-- Bears defensive back R.W. McQuarters OR WADA Chairman Dick Pound on his portrayal in the cycling media?

"Once again I have a problem, it's with my ass. I'm very worried. We'll see what will happen. I don't have a lot of time for recovery."
-- NBA player Eddie Curry on his off-season weight gain OR Oscar Freire discussing his recurring saddle-sore issues.

Now it’s just a matter of time before many memorable comments start flowing out of the booth with Phil, Paul, Bob and Trautwig. I predict that the first three will make me laugh and enjoy watching the Tour while Trautwig the Outsider makes blood come out of my ears as he mocks and diminishes the sport I love. Looking forward to it.

Big Thanks to the SG for much of this quote list.


Bitch Kittie said...

Having been at the Tour last year on a press pass and traveling with OLN (at the time), Trautwig would use this shit. I'm not a fan.
Anyways. . . good writing. I miss Curtis. When is that silly fuck coming home?
Peace Out

Jeremy T. Arnold said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeremy T. Arnold said...

Hey, thanks BK.

Trautwig has been better so far but...I don't know. Sometimes I feel bad for heckling if he's a good guy off camera. Well, not that bad. It's his profession after all. But if he's a tool in real life I won't feel bad at all.

Curious about your take though. Bob has been money and I think Frankie and Robbie should do more race commentary with him.

Yeah, I don't know when Cleez is getting back. Tucson or Italy? He may be there for a while.