UCI 2K7 Year In Review - Who's Got Next?

2007 has been a weird, wild year in the world of professional cycling. There will be plenty of time to reflect on the meaning of it all as we head in to the darkness and cold of Winter, but for now I’d like to take this opportunity to look back at some of the major international races we had the pleasure to enjoy this past year. We’ll work through chronologically and fittingly, go back to my birthplace of San Francisco, for the first big race of the season.

Tour of California – Levi Leipheimer

The second edition of the Amgen Tour of California was even better than the first. Probably even for Ben Jacques-Maynes who, after a stellar prologue in The City, became the victim of one of the most blatant Home Town officiating decisions since the offsides penalty call in “Victory.”

The “Neutral for however many k’s from the finish we want” rule used in Santa Rosa ended up getting brushed under the rug because Levi was the favorite coming into the race and no one wants to see a crash in the finale take out the leader but BJM, a nearly-local guy himself, got seriously jobbed on that one. Bike racing is bike racing.

Regardless, the rest of the ToC was pretty entertaining. Any time you’ve got Jens Voigt presented by Chuck Norris challenging for the win on one of the most picturesque courses, it’s going to be a good event. The Rainbow Jersey wearing Paolo Bettini nabbed one of his few wins in 2007 and Hincapie’s fall and subsequent ride to help reel in Stuart O’Grady on the last big road stage was one of the toughest performances I’ve seen in a while.

Plus, I got to go to Solvang and show my Dad and Grandparents a little “behind the ropes” action at the Time Trial. That made it the best race of the season for me personally. You can catch my voluminous coverage of the entire event starting here.

Het-Volk – Fillipo Pozzato

While not as prestigious as his M-S-R victory last year, Pipo bagged himself another good early season win but apparently still can’t afford a haircut. Nevertheless, this guy is almost guaranteed to rack up a few W’s each year, whether in late attack or a small bunch kick. But the hair really does kill me. My initial thoughts on the race can be found here.

Paris-Nice – Alberto Contador

This was the first race that really made me a believer in Contador and was the catalyst for my later description of his style as being reminiscent of “a crazed spider-monkey darting around the road.” But I mean that in the best way possible. Seriously. You can read my original thoughts on this race here.

It really was amazing to watch him dance away from Rebellin and everyone else on the final stage though. It should have come as a surprise to no one who watched Paris-Nice that Contador would be a threat at the Tour in July.

How do you say “Better Recognize” in Spanish?

Milan Sanremo – Oscar Freire

I still don’t know how you beat Oscar Freire when he’s on form. And since he was clearly flying and motivated in early 2007, he made his second M-S-R victory look easy. And he didn’t even have to throw his bike this time.

What was not easy, was having to watch replay after replay of all the crashes, including poor Andrea Moletta breaking his leg by wedging himself between a light post and the cement wall on the side of a tricky corner. Milan Sanremo is just a spectacular event for so many reasons. I wish they did it twice per year. My first recap of this race can be found here.

Tour of Flanders – Alessandro Ballan

I’m not certain, but I think Leif Hoste means “Nice Try” in Flemish. Maybe the Belgian will win this race someday but going to the line with Ballan this year was not the way to the top step.

My brother would argue that Hoste is still working off his bad karma from ditching Hincapie a few years ago so he could gift wrap the victory for Boonen. Ballan had been knocking on the door for a while though, so he’s a deserving winner. He nearly made TomTom look like the paperboy on the Muur de Huy that day.

My original thoughts on the Tour of Ned Flanders are here.

Paris-Roubaix – Stuart O’Grady

I had a chance to hang out with O’Grady for a few minutes before the start of the Santa Barbara stage of the ToC this year and despite being a really nice freckly guy with earrings, he just oozes toughness. He threw down a gutsy ride that day and it was no surprise that he went on to win The Hell of the North this year.

Unfortunately, it ended up being kind of a hellish year for the unlucky Aussie but it was great to see him finally notch that big Classic win. There are few riders more deserving of it.

Following Stuey’s lead, maybe it will be Big George’s turn in 2008. Does anyone know who is making the stems and forks for Team High Road this year?

Amstel Gold – Stefan Schumacher

Speaking of Hincapie, I will probably never appreciate Schumacher after the whole Eneco debacle from 2006. Even though I don’t think that the German meant to take out Melanie’s husband, he certainly was responsible for George hitting the deck. There is just something terribly wrong about a guy (regardless of intent) ramming into the race leader, making him crash and then winning the event because of time bonuses. That was foul.

But anyway, even though Amstel is one of my favorite races (and beers), I have all but forgotten how Schumacher won it this year. I’m guessing Michael Boogerd was involved somehow though.

Liege-Bastogne-Liege – Danilo Di Luca

After a series of close calls and podiums, Di Luca was pretty much on fire at Liege-Bastogne-Liege. I think that ultimately, in a race as long and brutal as L-B-L, the guy who wants it the most wins. It could be argued that of the guys in the finale, The Killer was the only one who really needed to win. To overcome the embarrassment of those blue and green striped shorts. And that meager nickname.

Tour de Georgia – Janez Brajkovic

For some reason I have never really gotten too excited about the Tour de Georgia. Maybe it’s the annoying combination of the “de” in the name and the fact that it’s in the South. I’ve been to Georgia and I know that it is a very beautiful state (for the most part) but I just can’t seem to get that into it.

This year was no exception, as the Brajkovic breakaway blew the race to bits and relegated the strongest guy in the race (Levi, his teammate) to going for stage wins and an anonymous overall placing. It’s always bittersweet when the winner isn’t the best guy. SEE: Hinault/LeMond, 1985 Tour de France for example.

Not to diminish the win or speak ill of Janez, or “Yanni” as it seems people call him. I would like to pronounce it Jan-EE-ZEE. He seems to have a bright future ahead of him though. Wearing pants with a 23” waist.

Giro d’Italia – Danilo Di Luca

So Di Luca won the Giro…something that I openly proclaimed was impossible for the last few years. I don’t know how he won it, but he did. Oily hair and all…

Andy Schleck was pretty impressive as well. Although ever since I learned that Luxembourg has the highest per capita income in the world, the all-white, Best Young Rider kit seems kind of like a country club tennis outfit.

Dauphine Libere – Christophe Moreau

When Le Chien won the Dauphine, I was actually as happy as I could be for a guy that I really don’t care for very much. It has to be pretty cool to win solo on Mt. Ventoux as a Frenchman. Even though he should have known that he peaked a month too early and would croak in the Tour.

This race should have also served notice that Astana was charging. They were all over the place, including Vinokourov and Kashechkin getting the better of Zabriskie and Evans by a startling 30 seconds in the 40.7k Time Trial. All in all, Astana riders won 4 of 6 road stages (Vino 2, Colom – w/ Vino 2nd, Iglinski) and had two riders hold the leaders jersey for half the race (Vino, Kashechkin), ultimately leaving it for Moreau as they eyed the Tour. I was very afraid of that team after the Dauphine.

Tour de France – Alberto Contador

The most excruciatingly enjoyable and frustrating 3 weeks of absurdity imaginable.

Can’t wait until next year. But please…no Trautwig.

It’s not that I wish Contador hadn’t won…but I wish either Cadel or Levi had. Does that make sense?

Anyway, my original thoughts start somewhere around here and go on for a while. I still don’t know what to think about my old friend though.

USPRO Championships –David Zabriskie, Levi Leipheimer

More surprising than DZ’s repeat win in the TT was how close Danny The Pate and Boulder’s own Timmy Duggan came to clipping their soon to be teammate. Good work for the domestic fellas.

More surprising than Levi’s runaway victory in the Road Race was how his teammate, Melanie Hincapie’s husband, reacted to it. Poor PR work there big guy. There are some more thoughts about it here.

I ran into fellow BHS alum and former USPRO Road Champ Chris Wherry at DIA on Labour Day, the day after the race, and he said Levi was just super strong and that the field was pretty blown apart.

But how about this glimpse into the life of a pro bike racer – Chris was waiting in Denver for a flight to Durango after having done the 100k Classic in Atlanta that morning, the day after the 177k USPRO Championships in Greenville. That’s a pretty tough 48 hours. Props to professional bike racers.

Vuelta a Espana – Denis Menchov

Apparently dropping out of the Tour after your scandalous yellow jersey-wearing teammate gets fired by your stressed out Director is the perfect way to prepare for the Vuelta a Espana. At least it seemed that way, because Denis Menchov followed that exact path to dominance in the bronze medal Grand Tour.

The flap between Carlos Sastre and Leonardo Piepoli was weird. It would be nice to see Carlos get a Vuelta win someday but he got a little lippy this year. I guess Triki Beltran did too. I wonder what Bjarne Riis had to say about the prospect of Piepoli working for Menchov. And the prospect of his top rider coming off like a whiner.

Tour of Missouri – George Hincapie

The inaugural Tour of Missouri was an armadillo-ridden affair that resembled the TdG in a number of fashions. With an early breakaway ensuring that only a handful of riders ever had a shot at the overall, Discovery Channel again steamrolled and got the W on home soil.

It’s not often that Big George wins stage races so I couldn’t help but think that this was kind of similar to Davis Phinney winning the 1988 Coors Classic for America’s first team, 7-Eleven. They are obviously different types of riders and won the races in different manners, but still. Although I bet the scenery in Davis’ race from San Francisco to Boulder was a touch prettier than George’s week-long jaunt through Mizzourah. What the Show Me State showed me can be found here.

World Championships – Fabian Cancellara, Paolo Bettini

See 2006 World Championships. At least they already had the jerseys made up.

Oh yeah, there was also the whole ridiculousness of the UCI versus the German Race Organizers versus Bettini versus general respectability and professionalism. I still don’t know if anyone came out of it a winner though.

I actually thought Bettini handled the whole situation better than anyone. After being specifically targeted as undesirable by the organizers (along with Eddy Merckx and a number of others) The Cricket channeled it into the legs and gave the best gun-related victory salute I’ve seen in a long time. I used to give the two-handed 6-shooter style when I had the chance but Bettini took out the rifle for whoever deserved it.

Paris-Tours – Alessandro Petacchi

Ale-Jet got a nearly perfect leadout from Erik Zabel and took home the prize but the real excitement came when Robbie McEwen was basically punched in the face by a spectator in the final stretch.

As the Pocket Rocket was snuggling up to Petacchi’s wheel he tasted hand at about 40 mph, got his glasses knocked sideways, unclipped a pedal and veered left directly into Oscar Freire who then bumped into Alan Davis. It was amazing that none of them stacked it. I must have rewound (Is that really a word? Spellcheck didn’t catch it. But it did catch Spellcheck…) the tape of the finish 10 times and saw something different and crazy and amazing with each viewing.

It’s cool to see breakaways and the cat-and-mouse of smaller group finishes but there is nothing like a big field sprint in a major event. Nothing. It’s insane. Seriously. The sheer physics of that many riders and bikes moving at so many angles at such great speeds would lead one to believe that a field sprint is something akin to a game of Russian Roulette. Well…maybe that’s not too far off base. And Robbie, Oscar and Alan all nearly caught a bad one in Tours this year.

Tour of Lombardy – Damiano Cunego

Lombardy is always a beautiful and exciting race and makes a nice bookend to the season with Milan-Sanremo in the Spring. The 2007 edition lived up to this reputation and provided some good drama and a worthwhile winner.

Even though Cunego got the win and was probably the strongest guy in the race, the real animator was Ricardo Ricco who seemed to be able to jump off the front at will. Cunego was marking him throughout the entire finale and got the better of him in the end, but it was Ricco’s repeated attacks that finally sprung the two young Italians.

I would like to take a moment here to acknowledge some similarities and differences between Cunego and Ricco. First, they both kind of superseded teammate Gilberto Simoni in the Giro, which is always fun to watch. But despite this common bond, they have very different nicknames. Cunego is The Little Prince and Ricco is The Cobra. I think the Italians are poor nicknamers in general but I’ll give the edge to Ricco on that one. Although if his nickname were "Cobra Kai" then it would immediately be the coolest in the peloton. Sadly, it's just Cobra.

Also sadly, I got the feeling that Franck Schleck was the strongest rider until he spaced out, crossed wheels and decked it a few k’s from the finish. That was most unfortunate.

So...there is a quick recap of the biggest international races of 2007. Well, maybe not that quick. It was not the best year for cycling, but also probably not the worst either. Well, depending on who you ask I suppose.

There was certainly a lot of negativity in professional cycling in 2007, but there was also a lot of exciting action as well. I think 2008 will be better for a number of reasons but looking back on 2007 provides some good memories to build on.

Except the Liquigas and Saunier-Duval kits of course.

Ullrich Publicly Blames Pevenage, Pillsbury For Career Woes

In a recent interview with Der Sprockets, former professional cyclist Jan Ullrich has confessed that his career was negatively influenced by both Rudy Pevenage and The Pillsbury Doughboy. Pevenage has recently been linked to the Operacion Puerto scandal and Pillsbury has long been rumored to cause fatness in bicycle racers.

"Rudy became involved during my younger days on the German National Team, providing training plans and helping me with some strategic decisions. Pillsbury, or 'D-Boy' as I eventually called him, came around after I won the Tour in 1997. He mostly provided pastries, cookies, and bisquits" explained the disgraced German.

It has been well documented that Pevenage was Ullrich's primary coach and mentor during his checkered career but only recently has there been indication of Pillsbury's influence on the rider.

"People always point the finger at Rudy and say that he made me take EPO and got me into the Fuentes Blood Doping Ring. But that doesn't really explain the entire situation" said the noticeably chubby Ullrich as he polished off a fresh plate of chocolate chip cookies.

"You see…it was really all D-Boy's fault. I mean, I never even knew what a centrifuge was until Pillsbury cautioned that my cinnamon-to-epicinnamon ratio could get thrown out of whack and potentially cause a positive waistband result. That's when I first realized that I had developed a problem. "

"It was around this time that Rudy began telling me that I either had to ditch the Doughboy or start some hard-core doping program. By this point, I had D-Boy's number on my speed dial and he was bringing me hot, flaky bisquits like three times a week. There was no way I could just stop eating tasty baked goods cold turkey…so Rudy and I started a regular routine of EPO, Testosterone and Blood Doping. It was really the only logical option."

When asked who was most to blame for his history of performance enhancing drug use, Ullrich thought for a moment and then stated that while Pevenage and Pillsbury contributed to it, one of the primary culprits was actually the cycling media.

"You see, I'm 6 feet tall and weighed about 160 lbs for most of my career. And while I've never really been considered skinny, it's a bit of a stretch to say that I was fat at any point during my racing days" explained the freckled German.

"But you guys always kept hounding me when I would stop at the local German bakeries, so I had to go underground and ended up getting hooked on Pillsbury. If it weren't for the constant scrutiny and all these pastry chefs leaking information to the press about my Strudel habits, I would have kept my snacking in the public eye. But instead I had to act like a common street junkie and bake my stuff at home, unsupervised. It was just so simple. Preheat oven. Open package and there you go. That is what led to my downfall."

At this point Ullrich stood up to loosen his belt and asked if there were any final questions. A portly Belgian reporter who had often criticized the Olympic and World Champion for being overweight, took the opportunity to ask what the German planned to do in the future.

"I am really not certain what I am going to do now. But I think I read that Cinnabon just partnered with Pillsbury so I'm pretty excited about that. Maybe I can do some German endorsements or something for them. I giggle when I get poked in the belly too."

Caught Slippin'

Boulder, Colorado

The Boulder Theater played host to yet another great cycling event Wednesday evening, with the first public presentation of the 2008 Slipstream/Chipotle presented by H3O Professional Cycling Team, in association with the Davis Phinney Foundation.

Hosted by the ever on-form Dave Towle, the public presentation actually followed an earlier dinner from which a nice swerve was being cultivated amongst many of those on hand. The vibe was Boulder Formal for the most part, with a nearly equal distribution of suits and dresses versus down and fleece.

Faces such as Ron Keifel, Andy Hampsten, Nelson Vails, Michael Aisner and many other legends of the sport dotted the audience, enhancing the sense that this was an important event in U.S. cycling. But then again…it is Boulder, where the local Whole Foods has a minimum of 6 current or former professional athletes strolling through the aisles at any given time.

But as the night wore on I became more and more convinced that we were, in fact, witnessing a historic event. And not just for cycling, but for the sports world as a whole. It can be effectively argued that Slipstream is truly at the forefront of the fight against doping and has set perhaps the best example of how to compete honestly and cleanly.

It is no coincidence that, even though Slipstream has morphed into a Tour-caliber team of internationally renowned riders, there is still a strong core sense of purpose reminiscent of the TIAA-CREF/5280 development team originally started by Jonathan Vaughters. It was reassuring to listen to Scott Hirshorn, Managing Partner of presenting sponsor H3O, as well as team owner Doug Ellis confirm their commitment to investing in the sport of cycling. It never hurts to have benefactors and JV has secured an impressive group of financial supporters who seem to share his vision for the future.

But for as much as the Slipstream/Chipotle presented by H30 (goodness that’s a mouthful) team presentation maintained this theme of working toward a better future, it was pleasing to see the “reality-TV-ish” documentary featuring Danny Pate, Mike Friedman and other members of the team who probably never thought this group would have gotten this far, this quickly. There are a lot of guys that could possibly feel overshadowed by all the new Pro Tour riders on the team but I get the sense that JV will remain true to the guys that have been with him for a while.

An interesting blend of past, present and future was on display as the legendary Davis Phinney was introduced along with his son Taylor, the recently crowned Elite Pursuit National Champion and Junior World Time Trial Champion, to discuss the Davis Phinney Foundation and Taylor’s newfound friendship with Slipstream’s David Millar. Davis was talking to Austin Murphy of Sports Illustrated as we entered the event but he still stopped to shake my hand and give C-Mac a kiss on the cheek. Smooth. It would be nice to see Murphy cover this event for Sports Illustrated and provide more coverage of the team and the Davis Phinney Foundation. They might get a little more attention than from me writing about them.

Some of the funniest moments of a night that contained a significant amount of laughter, came as Davis and Taylor introduced a short film about Millar. Davis got the first laughs with a comment about how he used to be as tall as his 6’3” son who towered above him on stage but Taylor quickly got some solid chuckles of his own. While recounting his training ride with Millar, the young Phinney mentioned that they talked about racing and girls and stuff but quickly covered himself and his training partner by mentioning the Scot’s girlfriend by name and reassuring, “Don't worry. We only talked about good stuff.”

The short film about Millar by Andy’s cousin Nigel Dick, was pretty entertaining. I haven’t really been too sure about the formerly disgraced World Champion but I found his first-person account intriguing. The fact that he is a part-owner of the team makes his participation with Slipstream all the more interesting. I am also curious to see how they incorporate argyle into the British National Champions jersey.

Shortly after the film, the whole team came out and sat somewhat informally on a collection of stools, couches and chairs up on the stage while Dave Towle did the rider introductions in almost alphabetical order. It is pretty easy to see that there is a clear separation in experience within this team between the Pro Tour guys and the domestic riders. But whereas some teams might fracture into entirely different groups, I hope that Slipstream gives the younger guys a shot at the bigger races whenever possible.

After the rider introductions there was a question and answer segment that was pretty entertaining and somewhat surprising. There was some dude in the audience that kept hollering out “Magnus!” so the gigantic Swede with the full-on British accent came out and basically said that he was going to win Roubaix this year. He was then joined by Mike “Meatball” Friedman, who seemed to be one of the most enthusiastic and semi-awestruck holdovers from last years team. It was interesting to note that the 6’4” bald Swede and the significantly, shorter and hairier American pretty much epitomize the spectrum of differences within this diverse team. I don’t know if Big Maggie could have pulled off the bow tie look that Meatball had going though.

Shortly thereafter, Backstedt, Zabriskie and Millar were asked which races they would most like to win in 2008. Maggie said “Roubaix” of course. After a couple moments of awkwardly humorous silence and some hemming and hawing, Zabriskie said “Some kind of timed event.”

Then Millar surprised more than a few people in the audience when he responded that he would most like to win Paris-Nice. He followed up by saying that a victory in the ASO race would ensure a Tour de France selection which, judging from most accounts, is virtually guaranteed anyway.

Zabriskie’s comment was pretty funny though. He had the crowd busting up a bit later when he was asked about his favorite food. DZ seems to go for the slightly uncomfortable but oddly thoughtful humor and mentioned that he liked burritos. He did so while standing under a giant tinfoil-wrapped Chipotle balloon and made sure to recommend that we all eat them too. Way to please the sponsors Dave.

One of the coolest parts of the night was seeing how happy Christian Vande Velde was to be back in Boulder. VDV has kind of flown under the mainstream U.S. cycling radar but has really been putting up some great performances lately and has been named the road captain for the squad in 2008. It could have been the residual liquid pleasure from the earlier dinner, but Christian seemed like the happiest guy in the place.

The Boulder cycling family vibe was also in full-effect as Dave Towle managed to get the whole team and crowd to sing Happy Birthday to local up and comer Timmy Duggan. The steadily improving rider was celebrating his 25th birthday and one can only imagine the many lessons learned that night from the likes of Julian Dean and Matt White. It’s always dangerous when birthdays, Kiwis and Aussies mix.

By the way…I couldn’t tell if it was the lighting or what but Julian Dean looked like Colin Ferrell’s stunt double or something. It was kind of funny. I think he may get some more face time with the cameras now that he’s not going to have to tow Hushovd around anymore.

The night wrapped up with a live auction to raise money for the Davis Phinney Foundation that threatened to go past my bedtime. C-Mac and I left during the bidding for one of David Millar’s Paris-Nice leader’s jerseys and I heard Dave Towle mentioning that Connie Carpenter-Phinney had added a pair of underwear that the Scot had left at their house while visiting. I don’t have official verification yet but someone told me the jersey (and presumably the skivvies as well) went for $8500. How much of that was for what, I do not know.

All undergarment auctions aside, this was a night that made me feel exceedingly optimistic for the sport of cycling in this country. The dissolution of the Postal/Discovery team and series of recent doping scandals which have tarnished the image of professional cycling in the U.S. have also shifted the focus squarely on Slipstream/Chipotle presented by H3O.

And if last Wednesday night in Boulder was any indication, we will have a lot to look forward to and even more to cheer about in the years to come.

Now, about those new kits...

Cup Check - A Weekend of Cross In Boulder

For many outside the cycling community, Compton is a city located in South Central Los Angeles, known primarily as the birthplace of "Gangsta Rap" and Trebon is the name of a small tourist town in the South Bohemian Region of the Czech Republic.

But for those of us in the know, Compton and Trebon are also the names of the best U.S. cyclocross racers as well. And they proved that fact beyond question this past weekend in Boulder.

One of the first things that I noticed at the Redline Cup, held at the blustery Boulder Reservoir, was that Katie Compton was rocking an all-blue kit and not the customary stars and stripes. Dave Towle was working the microphone and soon clued me in to the fact that she was wearing the UCI points leader colors. I suppose she was probably tired of the same old National Champion's jerseys anyway and plus, it gave the other women a chance to see a different colored blur for the first half of the first lap until she rode away from them all.

I am actually saving most of my Katie Compton material for the piece that I will write after she wins the World Championships this year. It should be good though.

Ryan Trebon had a rough start on Saturday but slowly worked his way back up to the usual suspects of Tim Johnson, Jeremy Powers, Joachim Parbo and teammate Barry Wicks after a few laps. He mingled with the others for a moment but then went all Turbo and immediately put about 30 seconds into everyone. Treefarm has an interesting demeanor when he's racing and sometimes it's hard to tell if he's even trying but when he does finally get to the front and hits the gas...it can be pretty impressive. Both of the courses this weekend favored power and speed so it was natural that Trebon and Compton murdered everyone.

I would like to take this time to address the above photo of Joachim Parbo, the Danish National Champion. He seems like a nice enough guy and I've only heard good things about him but after watching him race a half dozen times over the past two years, I just simply cannot get past one thing. Or, well I guess two things. His hairy legs.

And not just normal hairy legs but, like, Tonkin Caveman style shaggy legs. You can't really see them too well in the above photo but they are kind of out of hand. I mean...it's sort of cool with Tonkin because he's just unshaven everywhere and he's from the Pacific Northwest where hairyness is the norm. But how does a Danish cyclist not shave his legs? Does Bjarne Riis know about this? I feel like it's almost disrespectful somehow.

Anyway, Sunday's Boulder Cup was held in the shadow of the Flatirons and under the watchful eyes of Len Pettyjohn, Michael Aisner and Scott Moninger (above) among many others. Being a typical Boulder event, there were current and former pros all over the place in the crowd but it was particularly cool to see Chris Baldwin and course marshall Tyler Hamilton moving barriers before the Cat. 4 event. How many other sports would ever have a scenario like that? Maybe Carmelo Anthony or Allen Iverson will rebound for me next time I go shoot hoops.

Since Compton and Trebon basically crushed everyone, the best drama of the weekend actually surrounded Geoff Kabush trying in vain to hold off Chris Horner for 5th place behind Johnson, Powers and Wicks. The heavily side-burned Canadian was able to maintain his lead in the technical sand sections for a number of laps but Happy Face Horner was visibly faster on the grass and asphalt. After steadily closing the gap Horner finally caught and passed Kabush on the long paved run through the finish, shown in the picture above.

How Chris Horner doesn't have a job right now is beyond me. The guy is one of the best race animators I have ever witnessed. I've seen him do a ton of road events including a first-hand view of his win at the SF Grand Prix a few years back but I think Sunday's 5th place may have been the most impressive. He doesn't have many UCI points so he had to start mid-pack and he would lose ground on most of the guys ahead of him on the technical sections. So...he basically rode ridiculously fast to get up to 5th place, ahead of both the Danish and former Canadian National Champions.

I was at the final Crank Brothers event at the Polo Grounds in Golden Gate Park a few years ago for what was, I believe, Horner's second cyclocross race ever. He showed up to registration about 10 minues before the race in the full yellow Saunier-Duval kit, proceeded to stack it a few times and still finished in the top 15. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that he is now getting podiums in year three considering he was top 10 at Lombardy a few weeks ago.

The above photo is blurry because my camera was set wrong, but you should be able to see that Trebon is holding a giant sword above his head. There were these crazy Lion-Heart guys running around with wigs and a huge Flanders flag who gave Treefarm this huge metal sword in the final straight. Big time props to Trebon for handling it because that thing did not look light at all. I think everyone had that initial nightmare flash of him decking it and committing hara-kiri as he crossed the finish line. Realistically though, that sword gave him a tougher time than any of the other competitiors.

It's always good to see the fans come out and uh, support the riders. These young ladies were Kona fans and had plenty to cheer about at the podium presentation. The term groupie may be too harsh, perhaps they are old friends, but regardless, scenes like this speak to the growth of cyclocross in the States. Although we still have a long way to go before there is a Kona dance squad, great events like the Redline and Boulder Cup will certainly help the growth of this crazy sport. Cheerleaders or not.

And finally, we have the Man, the Myth, the Legend...the pink vest. I've seen this guy marshalling a bunch of events and he always sports the pink Pearl vest. Awesome.

Are you tough enough to rock the pink vest? I didn't think so.

Dr. J's Tech Talk: Watt You Talkin' 'Bout Nietzsche?

Not many people realize that when Friedrich Nietzsche wrote of "The Will To Power" he was actually talking about cycling. The whole concept ended up getting misconstrued through various false interpretations, but his original point was really just that cyclists are always seeking ways to increase their Power output. In fact, legend has it that Nietzsche was actually one of the first inventors of the SRM power meter.

In Fast Freddie Nietzsche’s own words, he promotes the notion of the Will To Power by stating, "Physiologists should think before putting down the instinct of self-preservation as the cardinal instinct of an organic being. A living thing seeks above all to discharge its strength — life itself is will to power; self-preservation is only one of the indirect and most frequent results"

Originally, Nietzsche 's name for this concept was "Discharge Your Strength" but he quickly changed it to "Will To Power" after he started getting some off-color responses and DNA donor inquiries.

Anyway, all "Jens Voigt as Ubermensch" philosophizing aside, Nietzsche helps us in the cycling world to understand the true importance of power and our natural desire to exert it. Interestingly, while I have not been able to locate any data on the German philosopher’s wattage numbers, it is said that his VO2 Max was phenomenal. And his famous nihilist quote “God is dead” was reportedly uttered in triumph after thrashing his training partners in a particularly brutal session of climbing intervals.

But speaking of wattage and power…I thought now would be a good time to put James Watt’s legacy into a greater scientific context so that we may better understand just how weak we all are. The term “Watt” is far simpler to unwrap than “Power” (which has more connotations than you can imagine) so let’s look at what this unit of energy, equal to one joule per second, really is.

An organization that I am involved with manufactures laser systems which have peak pulse powers on the order of >1 Terawatt, so consider this the conclusion to the earlier entry about Time that confirmed how slow we all are. For reference, a Terawatt is equal to 1 trillion watts. As Snoop says, “Don’t get mad…I’m only being real.”

A Few Examples...

Watt:

60 W – The power of a typical household light bulb.
232 W – Average power output of Floyd Landis during the 2005 Tour de France.
379 W – Average power output of Floyd Landis while placing 6th in the final TT of the 2005 Tour de France.
430 W – Average power output of Ondrej Sosenka while covering a UCI record 30.8 miles in one hour.
745.7 W – 1 Horsepower.

Kilowatt (1 Thousand Watts):

1.39 kW – Per capita average power use in the U.S. in 2003.
1.7 kW - Approximate power output during the final sprint of a typical Tour de France flat stage.

2.378 kW – Average power output for 5 seconds by Manfred Neuscheler on a Bike-Ergometer. 40-200 kW – Approximate range of power output of typical automobiles.

Megawatt (1 Million Watts):

2.5 MW – Peak power output of a Blue Whale.
10.3 MW – Electrical power output of Togo.
190 MW – Peak power of a Nimitz Class aircraft carrier.

900 MW – Electrical power output of a CANDU nuclear reactor.

Gigawatt (1 Billion Watts):

1.21 GW – Power needed to run the Flux Capacitor in Back To The Future.
2.074 GW – Peak power generation of Hoover Dam.
3 GW – Approximate peak power of world’s largest nuclear reactor.
12.7 GW – Average electrical power consumption of Norway in 1998.

Terawatt (1 Trillion Watts):

1 TW – Approximate peak power of femtosecond laser pulse.
1.7 TW – Average electrical power consumption of the world in 2001.
3.327 TW – Average total (gas, electricity, etc) power consumption of the U.S. in 2001.
13.5 TW – Average total power consumption of the human world in 2001.
50 to 200 TW – Rate of heat energy released by a hurricane.

Chuckawatt (1 Quadrillion Watts):

1 CW – Average power unleashed by a Chuck Norris round-house kick.

So…now we know a little more about Wattage. I don’t have the schematics for constructing a Wattage Cottage yet but I think I may wait to build one until they produce a power meter for my bike that measures Chuckawatts. So far, Jens Voigt is the only known cyclist with a CW rating and he ripped the bottom brackets out of a dozen Cervelos before they could verify the result.

But that’s a story for another time…

Closure and the Cycle

"Life and death are balanced on the edge of a razor." - Homer, Iliad

There are times in our lives when we are forced to recognize the frailty of our existence. Times when we seek answers to questions that have no solutions. Times when closure is nothing more than a figment of our imagination.

Two friends of mine have passed away recently, far earlier than they should have. Both were kind, good-hearted people who made the world a better place for not only friends and family, but for everyone they touched. And many are now left asking why they were taken from us so early.

But life does not usually give us straight answers. Life is fickle and stubborn and secretive. The game of Life is not fair and the rules we play by are not really rules at all but merely a socially-constructed framework through which we navigate the sliding scale of good and bad and the foundation of how we are ultimately remembered when we die.

But what of the closure we seek when someone close to us passes away? Depending on how you view the subject, death only represents the end of the physical body we inhabit. Therefore closure is something of a misnomer for those that believe memories can sustain a relationship beyond what we can see and touch. In fact, closure may be a purely pschological construct.

Interestingly, Gestalt psychology acknowledges the so-called Law of Closure with the following definition:

The mind may experience elements it does not perceive through sensation, in order to complete a regular figure (i.e., to increase regularity).

Although this "Law" is most often represented by the perceptual completion of an image, it can also apply to the way many people deal with death. Our brains are naturally wired so that we strive for closure of the incomplete. And what could be more painfully incomplete than a relationship with someone who has passed away earlier than we were prepared for?

In my personal quest to find regularity and closure...I have come to the conclusion that, in all likelihood, neither exists outside the feeble confines of my brain. The only constant is change and closure in a psychological sense relies so heavily on subjective input that it can rarely, if ever, be considered "real."

Regardless, in my own search for closure I have been reverting to my comfort zone of cycling recently and keep coming back to the situation that Floyd Landis has found himself in. If there is ever someone who has been forced to deal with an absence of closure over the past year, it's Floyd.

Beginning with his positive result in the Tour, to the suicide of his Father-In-Law and now through the first arbitration hearing and on to his appeal to the CAS...one can only imagine that there has been little closure in Floyd's life over the past year. And one can only imagine how difficult these unresolved events must have been for him. Hopefully the bike has remained consistent in its support.

It's interesting to me that I find so much comfort in cycling because in many fundamental ways, the bicycle often provides me with the best understanding of closure and the cyclical nature of life and the world as I know it. But then again, my definitions of these terms may not be typical.

In psychology, closure refers to the state of experiencing an emotional conclusion to a difficult life event. In physics, a cycle is defined as "A sequence of changing states that, upon completion, produces a final state identical to the original one."

Cycling is my therapy. There is a conclusion to every ride and I inevitably return home with a deeper appreciation for life than when I left. In this sense, riding is not truly cyclical because I am fundamentally changed by the process. And as a result, I am often far better prepared to handle the stresses and trauma of daily life, both physically and mentally.

We are all racking up miles in the ride of life and we never know what lies on the road ahead. So enjoy the scenery and take time to reflect on the lessons that those who pass before us can teach. Thank you Gary and Tennyson...you will be missed.

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.” – Alex Tan

Carpe Diem

Landis Lobs Law Bomb

October 17, 2007 - San Diego, CA.

Embattled professional cyclist Floyd Landis announced today that he will be retaining the legal services of Jackie Chiles and Bob Loblaw in his upcoming appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport. Landis was recently stripped of his 2007 Tour de France title as a result of a supposedly positive test for exogenous Testosterone after his stunning victory in Stage 17 of that race.

"I trust that the addition of Jackie Chiles and Bob Loblaw to my legal team will strengthen my chances to prove my innocence and expose the injustices of our current anti-doping system" stated the former Postal Service and Phonak rider at a small press conference in San Diego. He then went on to explain why he chose to add the services of the two high-profile attorneys.

"Most people don't know this but I was actually on the jury for the famous O'Henry Candy Bar Heiress case that Jackie worked on a few years ago for Cosmo Kramer of Kramerica Industries. Even though they lost the decision...I always felt like they would have won if Stan the Caddy hadn't gotten involved" Landis explained.

"Jackie had that case in the bag but bras are like bike shorts...they've got to go against the skin. Like a glove."

Chiles then followed up with the statement that the case against Landis was "outrageous, egregious and preposterous" and described WADA Chairman Dick Pound as being "lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!"

Landis then went on to detail his new found relationship with attorney Bob Loblaw.

"I actually stumbled upon Bob Loblaw's Law Blog while I was recovering from my hip surgery and got some great information. I already had a legal team and he was still working with the Bluth Family at the time but he was very professional and helpful. This guy is all business...there is no nonsense with Bob Loblaw."

Landis also noted that he appreciated the subtle irony of Loblaw's Legal Motto: "Why should you have to pay for a crime that someone else...noticed?"

When confronted with questions regarding recently unsuccessful representation of Kramerica Industries and the Bluth Company by his new attorneys, Landis explained his confidence that these results were not indicative of their ability.

"Most people overlook the fact that Jackie actually won most of his cases for Kramerica Industries. The compensation for those victories was somewhat problematic but he won them nonetheless. Besides...he never told Kramer to put the balm on."

"And Bob Loblaw was once again undermined by the prior ineptitude of Barry Zuckerkorn, who initially represented the Bluth Company. The other problem there was that he doesn't speak Spanish. But we all know that Bob Loblaw no habla Espanol so you can't really blame him for that."

Landis then ended the press conference with a brief summary of his defense strategy.

"I trust that my new attorneys will be able to win this appeal for me due to their extensive experience and aggressive legal approach. I want the headlines to read: Jackie Chiles and Bob Loblaw Lob Law Bomb at Anti-Doping System."

Cyclist

I’m not exactly sure when I officially became a cyclist, but I think it may have actually been before I ever even took a pedal stroke. As a small child my Father used to ride me around Marin County on the back of his ten-speed, stopping occasionally when I would fall asleep in my kiddie seat. I suppose that was probably when I first experienced the joy of feeling the road rumble beneath me and the pleasant sensation of leaning into a turn at speed. The fact that I would regularly fall asleep while my Father was riding was an early indication that I would develop a certain comfort with the bike.

When I finally got my own two-wheeled machine, a root beer brown cruiser with a banana seat and orange detailing, I was officially hooked. I used to tie my Tonka trucks to the back and ride around for hours. Eventually I got an actual ten-speed of my own and was finally able to go on a real ride with my Dad.

On that first ride, less than a mile from the driveway, at the first stop sign, I tensed up, ran into my father and knocked us both to the ground. Not exactly a fairy tale introduction to the sport of road cycling, but I suppose it prepared me for the numerous bike-related spills I would take from then on.

That incident also taught me that you could hit the deck and still get back up and ride through the pain, which would become somewhat of a recurring theme for me. If Dad and I had gone home after we crashed, I may not have become the masochist I am today.

But we didn’t go home. We got back up, dusted ourselves off and kept going for what ended up being a great ride. In fact, when I still lived in California I would regularly ride that same stretch of road between Bolinas and Stinson Beach and remember that day fondly. The excitement and thrill of gliding along Bolinas Lagoon with my Father far outweighed the humiliation of crashing and the painful scrapes to my elbows and knees.

I think that the element of the unknown is one of the stronger uniting factors among cyclists. We never really know how the ride will end up but far more often than not, it is better than whatever else we would be doing. However, the reality is that whether we are training for a race, commuting to work or enjoying a leisurely cruise, every time we go out and ride our bikes, at any speed, we are taking a very real risk. In case you were wondering, cycling is a pretty dangerous sport recreationally and downright treacherous competitively.

I have been hit by cars, crashed out by numerous Freds, broken bones and have lost more layers of skin than I care to remember, all because of my desire to ride my bike. In fact, I was recently reminded of these risks as I swatted away the wasp that had just stung me on the eyelid as I descended Lefthand Canyon the other day. I never know that I am going to crash or get hit by a car or stung by a bee before I go out, although I do always recognize that it is a possibility.

But despite all of the potential hazards, the possibility of having a great ride and the life-affirming enjoyment it brings makes it worth the risk. It was difficult convincing my Mother of this after I got hit by a car and broke both of my collarbones the day before Thanksgiving in 1989, but she managed to understand. Or at least she pretended to.

Anyway, I’m still not entirely sure when I officially became a “cyclist”, I just know that I have used the term to define myself for the better part of my three decades of existence. I have gone from “passenger” to “rider” to “racer” and everything in between, but for all intents and purposes, I may have never even had a choice as to whether or not the term “cyclist” would constitute a critical element of who I am as human being.

Having been exposed to the bike and the joys of riding at such a young age, I truly believe that I have had cycling in my blood since my Dad first strapped me into that kiddie seat on the back of his old ten-speed. I probably could have resisted it and, like most of my childhood friends, forgotten the joy that riding a bicycle brings. But thankfully, my family supported my urge to risk life and limb on two wheels and allowed me to make cycling a critical part of my life.

So thank you Mom, Dad, C-Mac and everyone else that has encouraged me to follow my passion. I am forever grateful and can only hope that other young, would-be cyclists have a support system like mine. Cycling is a wonderful sport and I am certain that I am a better person for having been involved in it since those days on the back of my Father’s bike.

The Name Game

I have been thinking about first names recently. I believe it is a function of a co-worker being pregnant and C-Mac and I looking at adopting a stray cat that has been hanging out at the house. For reference, we think her name will be "Celery." The cat, that is.

Anyway, last names, or surnames if you want to get technical, are fairly rigid so if you're stuck with a bad one...tough. Just ask Dick Butkus. Sorry about that, blame your distant ancestors. Or the INS if your surname had the misfortune of being "Americanized" upon your family's arrival to the States. Although I think Coors looks better on a beer can than Kuhrs would. Just saying.

But first names, or given names, are just that...given. Every generation is offered a small but valuable opportunity to get the next crop of "Whatevers" off on the right foot with a good, positive first name. Sadly, many parents are woefully negligent of this opportunity...no, that's not strong enough, let's go with...obligation. Parents have an OBLIGATION to their kids to name them responsibly.

And if the sports and entertainment world is any indication...many parents are not living up to their end of the bargain. And even worse, many are potentially contributing to the growing illiteracy rate in this country. For example: Jerramy Stevens, Jerame Tuman and Geramy Rodamer are all prominent football players and Jeromy Burnitz was an MLB outfielder for about 14 years.

In case you were curious, Jeremy (correct) is a form of Jeremiah and ALL of these spellings are WRONG. In fact, I blame Jerramy Stevens’ horrible Super Bowl performance and subsequent DUI in Seattle on the fact that his name is spelled incorrectly. No real Jeremy would have behaved like that. Except maybe Jeremy Miller aka Ben Seaver from Growing Pains. That kid is bad news. Anyway, Stevens has been overcompensating for that misspelled birth certificate his whole life. That’s on you, Mr. and Mrs. Stevens.

Now, in the grand scheme of genetics and socialization, naming your child wouldn't seem to be at the top of the Overall Parental Duties list. But trust me, it is and should probably be moved up in the order. It’s not as lighthearted and fun as naming your cats Cosmo and Celery. Additionally, blatantly misspelling a "normal" name is just as bad as naming your kid "Dweezil" or "Apple" or whatever. Granted, it helps if your surname is Zappa or Paltrow but come on...isn't growing up hard enough?
With that said, the sport of cycling has remained fairly untainted by the questionable naming and spelling choices plaguing professional athletics and entertainment. Except for the Fabian Phenomenon, which I detailed earlier. But I think we came to a favorable resolution with that one after all the data was collected.

So, since there is not much use in heckling the names of the riders, I thought it would be interesting to look at the origin and meaning of some high-profile first names in the world of professional cycling. Since many names, such as the aforementioned Jeremy, are cultural forms of earlier “root” names, I will try to get to the original meaning.

Cycling Geneology 101: The Given Name

LANCE – Lance Armstrong
From the Germanic name Lanzo, a short form of names that began with the element land meaning "land".

I always thought this was a crazy name because it is a Noun, a Verb and kind of an Adjective in some senses with regard to Armstrong. This is probably the most “Heckle-able” name on the list though. Lance rhymes with too many things and kids are too creative with names like this.

GREGORY – Greg LeMond
From the Latin Gregorius, which was from the late Greek name Γρηγοριος (Gregorios), which was derived from γρηγορος (gregoros) meaning "watchful, alert".

Now we know why LeMond has been so involved in all these public disputes and slanderous accusations. He was born “watchful and alert” so I guess he can’t help calling it how he sees it. He sure could have used those qualities while he was hunting back in ’87 though. Oops.

GEORGE – George Hincapie
From the Greek name Γεωργιος (Georgios) which was derived from the Greek word γεωργος (georgos) meaning "farmer, earthworker", itself derived from the elements γη (ge) "earth" and εργον (ergon) "work".

Once again, this is a very apt name for one of the best “workers” in the sport. Perhaps the “earth” part explains some of his problems in Roubaix, Eneco and California. And the “Farmer” part is clearly a reference to the tan lines.

LEVI - Levi Leipheimer
Means "attached" in Hebrew. In the Old Testament Levi was the third son of Jacob and Leah, and the ancestor of one of the twelve tribes of the Israelites (the tribe that eventually became the priests of the Israelites).

Okay, now this is a great example of how hard someone has to work to get over the limitations of their first name. Leipheimer was clearly “attached” as a racer for much of his career. He could usually hang in there but never really separated himself from the group. Things changed somewhat this year as he stretched the shackles of his “Levi-ness” a few times in the TdG, TdF and USPRO but I think he will always be fairly Levi, no matter what.

BJÖRN – Bjarne Riis
From an Old Norse name meaning "bear".

Seems pretty fitting, even though he is known as the Eagle. Regardless, those are two good animals. Question: Does a bear dope in the woods?

CHRISTOPHER – Christophe Moreau
Means "bearing Christ", derived from Late Greek Χριστος (Christos) combined with φερω (phero) "to bear, to carry". Christopher was the legendary saint who carried the young Jesus across a river.

This meaning may explain some of the rather lofty expectations carried by La Chien Moreau. Although I have to think that “young Jesus” was probably pretty light. Solid diet, super good strength to weight ratio.

ALEXANDER – Alexandre Vinokourov, Alejandro Valverde
From the Greek name Αλεξανδρος (Alexandros), which meant "defending men" from Greek αλεξω (alexo) "to defend, help" and ανηρ (aner) "man" (genitive ανδρος).

The meaning of this name would be much more appropriate if they switched it to “defended men” or “to be defended, helped.” Close, but not quite.

OSCAR – Oscar Freire, Oscar Pereiro,
Means "deer lover", derived from Gaelic os "deer" combined cara "lover". In Irish legend Oscar was the son of the poet Oisin and the grandson of the hero Fionn mac Cumhail. The name Oscar could also represent a revival of an Old English name (meaning "god spear" from Old English os "god" and gar "spear").

I am not sure how Oscar became a popular Spanish name but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be quite as common if everyone knew what it meant in Gaelic. Common meanings in Spain vary between “Rainbow Jersey Wearer” and “2nd Place.”

THOMAS – Tom Boonen
Greek form of the Aramaic name Te'oma which meant "twin". In the New Testament this is the name of the apostle who doubts the resurrected Jesus. According to tradition he was martyred in India.

If Tom Boonen had a twin, Belgium would explode. And they would win Flanders on a tandem bike.

PHILIP – Phil Ligget
From the Greek name Φιλιππος (Philippos) which means "friend of horses", composed of the elements φιλος (philos) "friend" and ‘ιππος (hippos) "horse".

Are they talking about Paul or Bob?

TYLER – Tyler Hamilton
From an occupational surname meaning "tiler of roofs" in Old English.

If the Operacion Puerto thing doesn’t get cleared up this may be a viable career option.

PAUL – Paolo Bettini
From the Roman family name Paulus, which meant "small" or "humble" in Latin.

They got the “small” part right but the gold helmet and shoes pretty much did away with the “humble” element.

LLOYD – Floyd Landis
From a surname derived from Welsh llwyd meaning "grey".

Floyd is a variation of Lloyd apparently. Feel free to read whatever you want into this meaning. Grey has a lot of connotations, but not nearly as many as say…Dick Pound for example.

Arbitrary Cogitation - Show Me...Something

So, the road racing season is drawing to a close and the final big event in the U.S. is the altogether confusing Tour of Missouri. Or Missourah, Mizzou or whatever else the local yokels call it. Regardless of your chosen pronunciation, it’s not exactly the first place that comes to mind when thinking about bike racing. Just out of curiosity, is anyone else concerned that the primary locations for two of the biggest events in domestic cycling are Georgia and Missouri? Maybe it’s just me but this seems odd.

Anyway, what does come to mind when thinking of The Show Me State besides its strangely anti-social state motto? Show you what Missouri? Why so skeptical? Well, I can only speak for myself so I will go over a short list of the things that I think about when forced, somewhat unwillingly, to ponder this odd Midwestern/Southern state.

1) The Missouri Compromise, the Dred Scott case and the Mason-Dixon Line – Missouri has a pretty fascinating socio-political history. Not entirely pleasant but interesting nonetheless. A volatile Southern/Midwestern identity crisis has led to a checkered judicial history as well, that has often seen Missouri as a stomping ground of racial and social issues that still exist to this day. No wonder Rush Limbaugh lives there.

Did you know that Missouri is one of only two states that border 8 other states? I’m not sure why, but for some reason I think that is crazy. 8 other states! Are you kidding me?
Maybe all the borders contribute to the weird social make-up of Missouri. I don’t know.

I do know that Missouri's borders physically touch a total of eight different states, as does its neighbor, Tennessee. Missouri is bounded on the north by Iowa; on the east, across the Mississippi River, by Illinois, Kentucky, and Tennessee; on the south by Arkansas; and on the west by Oklahoma, Kansas, and Nebraska (the latter across the Missouri River.)

Now, I’m cool with Iowa and Illinois but the other six neighbors may leave a little bit to be desired in the culture department. Sometimes you are judged by the company you keep.

2) Nelly – I always thought it was weird that Cornell Haynes Jr. aka “Nelly” wore Band-Aids on his face and fashioned himself as a “Southern Country” type of guy. Last time I checked, St. Louis wasn’t terribly country and not too far south either. And why would you want to affiliate yourself with the South as a rapper anyway? But then again, how can we ever hope to understand the machinations of the man that gave the world “Pimp Juice” and thought it was okay to call out KRS-One? Like Chino XL said, “What’s next? Beyonce battling Rakim?”

3) The Los Angeles Rams – My hatred of all L.A. sports teams didn’t completely transfer to the Rams when they moved to St. Louis…but I still don’t like them. And I still call them the Los Angeles Rams. The switch to gold instead of yellow will never erase my childhood nightmares of Eric Dickerson and his stupid Kurt Rambis glasses.

The matching flat top haircuts of Kurt Warner and his wife didn’t help my appreciation of the Rams very much either. But they did make me smile.

4) National Lampoon’s Vacation – For some reason I always love the scene when the Griswold’s take the wrong exit in the Family Truckster and end up in East St. Louis. It just doesn’t get much better than Clark trying to keep Ellen, Rusty and Audrey calm with gunfire in the background. Goodbye hubcaps, hello comedy gold.

Speaking of goodbyes, has anyone seen Chevy Chase lately? I never thought Anthony Michael Hall would be more popular in 2007 than the man who played Clark Griswold and Ty Webb, two of the greatest movie characters of all time. You never know.

Just for reference, Cousin Eddie lived in Kansas, not Missouri. Close but no real tomato ketchup.

5) Branson – Billed as “The Family Friendly Las Vegas,” Branson is just a weird, weird place from what I have been able to tell. With more neon signs and country musicians than should ever be allowed by law in one location, I think Bart Simpson summed up Branson well when he stated “My Dad says it’s like Las Vegas – if it were run by Ned Flanders.” Sounds like fun huh?

Is gambling okay if it is controlled by conservative, right-wing Christians? The fine people of Branson, Missouri say “Yes. Yes it is.”

Speaking of the Simpsons, many argue that their hometown of Springfield is in Missouri although the show makes a point of never clearly identifying which state it is in. I am not ashamed to know this.

5) The Fifth Down – The only other thing that really sticks out in my mind when I think about Missouri is the infamous “Fifth Down” that the University of Colorado football team took advantage of to beat Mizzou a few years back.

To recap, the “Guy who holds the down markers” spaced out, didn’t flip over his down cards and ended up allowing CU five downs instead of the customary four allotted for each series of attempts at a first down or score. How a whole stadium of people, the Missouri players and coaching staff and all of the referees failed to notice that they played five downs will always baffle me. But my school won the game because of it so I guess it worked out okay. Go CU!

So, yeah…The Tour of Missouri. I still don’t know what to think. Show Me…something, even though the race has apparently been gift-wrapped for Big George Hincapie after the second stage. It would be cool to see local guy Willdren of the Frischkorn get on the final podium but...how ‘bout those exciting GC standings in the TdG and ToM this year eh fellas? Yeah...15 and 30 minute gaps do not make for exciting "Tours."

Speaking of Melanie Hincapie’s husband…did anyone happen to catch GH’s post-race comments after the USPRO? Yeah, not exactly happy to have been on the second step that day (even though he was still taller than Levi). I guess maybe George forgot the selflessness Levi displayed last year and all of the subsequent criticism he took for it. Seriously, Leipheimer got a ton of heat for fetching bottles and basically shelling the field for Hometown Hincapie in 2006. Yet, I don’t recall Levi saying he that he could have won and that he had “great legs but just couldn’t use them” like Small George did this year.

But this brings up an interesting topic that Dave Towle and Bob Roll touched on during the coverage that doesn’t get a lot of attention. I am speaking of the fact that a good number of guys racing at this point in the year have not had their contracts renewed for the 2008 season and have essentially been fired from their current teams or have already signed on elsewhere and are essentially racing against their future teammates. Needless to say, there are conflicts of interest a-plenty in September. And since George will be rocking T-Mobile pink next year, the Disco blue probably didn’t mean quite as much that day.

Even though the Pro Tour guys get most of the attention, I always wonder about the Grunts at this time of year. I’m talking about the guys that are scrambling, trying to make a living racing their bikes. The guys that don’t know whether they will be fighting it out on the NRC circuit or just hoping to catch on with a good regional elite team next year. The guys who are deciding how much longer they can risk life and limb in a profession that may force them into a second job in the offseason. How do you keep sacrificing your own chances when you have already lost your spot on the team? I wish there was more attention paid to this late-season dynamic in a sport where motivation plays such a huge role in performance.

With regard to motivation…I am beginning to think that the UCI must be punishing Spain for the whole Operacion Puerto scandal by throwing Alejandro Valverde under the bus before the World Championships. Of all the ridiculous events that have followed the OP Affair, this may take the cake. Has the UCI identified what exactly they have found in the Puerto documents that makes them so certain Valverde was involved? And has the Spanish Federation responded to the evidence the UCI claims to have? Am I talking to myself and wasting my time by even caring at this point? Will this freaking case ever see ANY kind of resolution at all?

Final not on the Worlds though: Oscar, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar. And I don't mean Pereiro.

But speaking of frustrating delays…how about our boy Lloyd Flandis? Remember him? It has now been well over a full calendar year since the Mad Mennonite was fingered by the French Lab of Dopes and he is still flapping in the breeze.

I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to have your entire professional reputation and future riding on a verdict that takes over a year to reach. So much for the right to a speedy trial. Every day that passes without resolution is another day that Landis will never be able to recover. It is SHAMEFUL that this process has dragged on for so long. Guilty or innocent…no one deserves to be kept in limbo like this. They say a verdict will be announced by the end of September but I’ll believe it (maybe) when I see it.

Finally, I would like to end on a high note and mention Taylor Phinney’s recent Individual Time Trial victory in the Junior World Championships.

I can proudly say that I have known the Phinney’s for a little over 17 years and actually met the family when Connie was pregnant with their eldest son. I was a Junior racer for their shop team back then and I have to say, it makes me feel a bit old to see Taylor rubbing elbows in local Pro/1/2 events in Colorado and getting World Championship jerseys.

I had a chance recently to spend some time with Connie and Davis at Thomas Prehn’s birthday party as well as the following morning’s group ride and it was great to see how proud they are. And also how mellow they are about it. This is a family that truly appreciates the value of life on a daily basis and it is heartwarming to know that they have been able to experience this. Listening to Davis talk about Taylor with the expertise of a coach and the love of a father is something I will not soon forget.

Greg LeMond might be concerned about the young Phinney’s future as a professional cyclist, but I have little doubt that he has the support structure needed to be as successful as he wants to be. As Davis says proudly and knowingly, "He's got a huge engine."

And suddenly I am reminded of why I love this sport.

Listen To Cicero

Cicero’s Six Mistakes of Man:

• The delusion that individual advancement is made by crushing others


• The tendency to worry about things that cannot be changed or corrected


• Insisting that a thing is impossible because we cannot accomplish it


• Refusing to set aside trivial preferences


• Neglecting development and refinement of the mind and not acquiring the habit of reading and studying


• Attempting to compel other persons to believe and live as we do.

By most accounts, Marcus Tullius Cicero was a pretty sharp guy. He may have been a bit wishy-washy at times, but it's safe to say that his Six Mistakes of Man have a good deal of merit.

The fifth mistake may not fully apply, but the others could be easily applied to the UCI/ASO feud. Cicero was an Italian lawyer too, so maybe he could have brokered something. Where are Bill and Ted with their Time Machine phone booth or Marty McFly and his DeLorean when you need them?

I like quotes a lot. I find a certain comfort in reading the inspiring, funny or stupid things other people (often far more respected than me) have uttered or written. Recently, as professional stresses have increased, I have found myself going back to some quotes involving Character, Adversity and Virtue among others. Most of these apply directly to my situation, but they also have a clear relevance to the current state of professional bicycle racing as well.

Here are a few quotes and comments.

"But rules cannot substitute for character." — Alan Greenspan, chairman of the U.S. Federal Reserve Board (b. 1926)

No matter what rules, tests and penalties are instituted to rid the sport of cheating...the end result will be dictated by the character (or lack thereof) of the riders. And since, at least the last time I checked, most of the riders are human beings...there will be cheaters. To say that catching people breaking the law is indicative of a problem does not account for this fact. I am far more skeptical of sports that never catch anyone. As Tommy C. said:

"The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none." — Thomas Carlyle, Scots-English historian and author (1795-1881)

The German TV stations that rode out of the Tour on their high horses probably still broadcast soccer games, right? Yeah, and all those footballers on the Operacion Puerto list have been pulled from their teams and publicly revealed right? Oh...yeah.

"I have not observed men’s honesty to increase with their riches.” — Thomas Jefferson, Founding Father and third U.S. president (1743-1826), in a letter to Jeremiah Moor, 1800

Okay, Tommy J's reputation has taken a bit of hit recently, and rightfully so, but he did leave us with some pretty good quotes in between the philandering and slave ownership. The whole "We hold these thruths to be self evident" thing was pretty solid, but I am particularly fond of the above quote because Tom just flat out tells it like it is.

The bottom line is that as long as there is a bottom line, there will also be a bottom of the barrel. And there will be people willing to get pretty dirty down there.

"It is more shameful to distrust one’s friends than to be deceived by them." — François duc de la Rochefoucauld, French epigrammatist (1613-1680)

One of the things I find most disconcerting about the assumption of guilt placed on those within the cycling community is that a resistance to openly slander current and former colleagues is now interpreted as nearly an admission of collusion. I question the notion that you must name names or publicly defame other riders or team staff to prove your commitment to a clean sport.

"The proper man understands equity, the small man profits." — Confucius (K'ung Fu-tzu), Chinese sage (551-479 B.C.)

This one from Donna Changstein's favorite philosopher goes out to the ASO and the other Grand Tour organizers. For the future of the sport, there needs to be a distribution of power and influence between the events. Think about it, what is the image of the recent Grand Tour winners? Ummm, not so good is it? And the power structure is such that these guys are the primary faces of the sport for better or worse.

But if you look at the Classics and many of the "second tier" events, there seems to be a much more legitimate representation. I don't know, maybe they are just as bad but it just seems like the ASO is trying so hard to keep the spotlight on itself, but it's not using the right facial cleanser or something. And the whole sport is looking ugly as a result.

"You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by his way of eating jelly beans." — Ronald Reagan, 40th U.S. president (b. 1911)

Our 40th President of the United States, ladies and gentlemen. Okay that was just for fun.

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of bad memory." — Steven Wright, American comedian (b. 1955)

This is for all of the half-admissions, media-money-induced confessions and post-career-mortem mea culpas. It makes for a curious situation when you cannot be certain of denials or admissions.

“It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.” — Upton Sinclair, American author and politician (1878-1968)

A doozy from the only author that has made me throw up while reading. Seriously, The Jungle, you should read it. In the bathroom.

Anyway, I think this applies in a number of ways to those within professional cycling over the last few decades. People will often compromise their ethics when livelihoods are at stake, whether it's in a meat packing facility or the pro peloton.

"We cannot learn without pain." — Aristotle, Greek philosopher (384-322 B.C.)

It's tough to expand on Aristotle. I guess this one speaks for itself. Arnold Out.