Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Jens Voigt Eats Pieces Of S**t Like You For Breakfast

Wait...he eats pieces of s**t for breakfast? Thanks Happy Gilmore.
Does anyone not like Jens Voigt? Well...except maybe Jorge Jaksche? If anyone out there besides those implicated in Operacion Puerto take issue with Jens...he has three words for you:

"Bring It On"

Jens Voigt or Chuck Norris? Same Difference, I say. Walker German Ranger.

While this author cannot comment on Mr. Voigt's roundhouse kicking abilities, one would assume they are world class and on par with Mr. Norris'. We don't recommend testing it out for yourself. Unless your name is Dick Pound. all means.

Jens Voigt putting the hammer down at the 2006 ToC

In researching this piece, I misspelled Jens Voigt's name in Google and instead of asking "Did you mean Jens Voigt?" it simply said "Run...while you still have a chance." More research informed me that Jens Voigt is suing NBC, claiming that "Law & Order" are the trademarked names for his right and left legs.

Don't call me Judas

According to Wikipedia, Jens Voigt was born in Grevesmuhlen, Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania. I have no idea where that is or what that is supposed to mean but apparently Jan Ullrich was born around there as well. Must be something in the water. Anyway, local legend has it that the only person who cried when Jens was born was the one slaps Jens Voigt.

About this long...

Jens Voigt has had a number of impressive wins during his career but strangely none have ever taken place on April 1st. Apparently, his calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Jens Voigt.

Moments before killing this guy for touching his shoulder

A study has shown that the leading causes of death among cyclists are:

1) Heart Disease

2) Trying to ride like Jens Voigt

3) Cancer

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors and scissors beat paper...what beats all 3? Jens Voigt.


Brian said...

It's not often I break out into laughter at work. Funny!!

Coincidentally, my favorite actor is Chuck Norris and my favorite cyclist is Jens Voigt. I never noticed the connection until now. Invasion U.S.A for Tour of Cali.

blue squirrel said...

u da man now. well done, oh and the 'law and order' bit priceless. once again another post i don't have to do. i think i will just post pretty pictures of socal training in winter from now on.

J.T.A. said...

I hope I didn't poach your idea Blue. Props for the motivation though. I think most of us have an appreciation for Jens Norris' work. He and Julich are like Crockett and Tubbs. Or maybe Bo and Luke? Magnum and Higgins? I may need to work on that. Whatever...they are Badass.

For all of us Coloradans, please don't mention the SoCal weather in the future. After mad flooding in Marin last's mad snow in Colorado this year. I don't know what I did to deserve this. Hopefully Mother Nature takes a breather when I head out to Cali next week.

Anyone else going? I'll be there in Solvang and SB. Should be good stuff.

blue squirrel said...

nea to the poach, his bad assness will requie all of us to keep up. between training, racing, trying to earn money as a starving architect, i [we] am going to try and catch the weakass climbing stage into santa clarita. have a good time in the good weather, although rain during the TT in solvang will put alot of riders hopes of overall into chaos.

Anonymous said...

cracking, a perfect post to read in my 'What Would Jens Do?' T-shirt.

Keep up the good work j.t.a.

tires 12r 22.5 said...
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