Obviously, Lance Armstrong and Alberto Contador are like Run-DMC and the Beastie Boys; two contrasting styles battling for the top step while operating on the same team/label and vying for the favor of Johan Simmons/Russell Bruyneel.
Like the Beasties in their younger days, Alberto is a bit rebellious and prone to bursts of immaturity at this point in his career but you can tell that there is some deep talent that will likely age gracefully and successfully. I’m not sure if Contador will end up organizing Tibetan relief bike races or marrying Diane Court from Say Anything…but again, like the Beasties, this guy can pretty much do whatever he wants so you never know.
“You gotta fight, for your right to the Yellow Jersey.”
Then there is Lance as Run-DMC, a lock for the Hall of Fame but still tries maybe a bit too hard to play the tough guy. But despite the hardcore image, they also both effectively catapulted their genre/sport into the mainstream U.S. consciousness. Interestingly, Run-DMC had the help of Adidas and Aerosmith, whereas LA got his name out there by associations with Nike and Sheryl Crow. Coincidence?
“Now me and my Nikes do the illest things, we like to stomp out pimps with diamond rings.”
Next up you’ve got Levi Leipheimer, who is clearly LL Cool J, right? I mean, the physical similarities are obvious enough but replace the “J” with “Heimer” and they may as well be twins. I don’t know if Levi will carve out an acting career that includes WB sitcoms and movies like Rollerball…but I can see him listening to “I Need Love” as he reads all of the predictions about LA and Contador.
“When I’m alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall, and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call.”
I can’t decide if Kloden is more like EPMD or Slick Rick. Both were pretty solid but a little inconsistent and plagued by some external drama. I guess it all depends on the final verdict in his doping case. If he ends up getting caught out, he’ll definitely be more like Slick Rick. Or the Public Enemy of Germany.
“Flava Kloden got problems of his own.”
Okay, I think we’ve worn that one out enough so let’s look at some fun Tour de France nicknames that riders would have if they were rappers or a band:
Bradley Wiggins – Wiggie Smalls
Fabian Cancellara – Swissy Elliot
Mark Cavendish and Columbia-THC – Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch Sprint Train
Cadel Evans – No Faith Evans
Luis Leon Sanchez – Kings of Leon Sanchez
Frank and Andy Schleck – Schlecks-n-Effect
Thor Hushovd – Bjork ?
Sorry Thor, I couldn’t think of anything good there. We’ll see if we can come up with something better by Paris.
As a final note on the Tour so far (you know…because the repetition of media coverage and the fact that the race has really only just begun) it should be noted that Alberto Contador is kind of beginning to remind me of Norman Bates from Psycho. There is a little bit of a physical resemblance but it’s mainly just the sense that there is some serious stuff bubbling under the schoolboy façade.
In fact, I have likened his climbing style to that of a “crazed spider monkey” in the past, but perhaps he is a little more like Norman at the Bates Motel. Ideally, his seething internal aggression and psychotic desire to slaughter people will make for some good racing...and no unfortunate accidents in the shower.
He’s not rooming with his Mother, is he?
“Psycho Killer. Qu'est-ce que c'est?" ("What is it?") – Talking Heads
I don't know what it is yet...but it should be an interesting road to Paris.
On a side note regarding the A-Roid Story: Does anyone else think that Madonna is just about the most perfect candidate for HGH use? I’m not usually down with making suggestions like that but have you seen the woman lately? She’s ripped like Bruce Lee in Enter The Dragon.
I can just see Phil and Paul in the booth (if they were there?), looking at those names and freestyling something that may or may not have been even remotely close. I often wonder how many names I unknowingly mispronounce because of Phil and Paul. I’m sure they do their best and get far more right than wrong but still…who’s going to correct them? Bob Roll?
So…I was intrigued when, a few hours prior to the Tour Down Under/Lance Armstrong Show on VS, (the Emmy Award winning) Outside The Lines focused on performance enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball and the Mitchell Report. Even though the topic is old, at least it wasn’t about drugs in bike racing.
But whereas Operacion Puerto has bags of blood with hokey nicknames, the Mitchell Report has Radomski, who is more than happy to eliminate any pet detective work by naming names. And I mean, lots of names. All of which you can now find at your local book store in his new punningly-titled literary masterpiece “Bases Loaded.”
With all due respect to the CPA (eh…), we can be fairly certain that professional cycling’s “union” has not been the problem in Spain. The MLBPA is the Bentley of Unions while the CPA is more like a Huffy with a flat tire.
In the end, Big Papa Sastre was the only guy in the mix who actually seemed like he had a plan and was “tranquilo” for the whole race. He was the only one who handled it all like he knew exactly what he was doing. While Evans was losing his marbles, hitting cameras and spending too much time listening to 
I was fortunate enough to be at the TT in Solvang and have never seen someone as hyped-up as LL-Cool-Heimer on the start ramp. It was kind of freaky actually. He was huffing and puffing and looked like his eyes were going to burn a hole through his Specialized sunglasses. It reminded me of how the guys from World’s Strongest Man Competition get all crazy before they pull a tractor with their teeth or something. If it weren’t for the skinsuit and 300lb weight differential, you would have thought it was 
Well, F-Can just basically stepped up like Drago to the peloton’s hapless Apollo Creed in Milan-Sanremo. There was such a shocking difference in strength that normal tactics never even entered the picture and the race was over before anyone even knew what happened, with the sprinters lying unconscious, twitching on the canvas as Cancellara and Brigitte Nielsen walked away with the victory. “If he dies, he dies.”
Substitute “father” with “relaxing vacation on the beach” in the above quote and you basically have the Spanish Spider Monkey’s repeated declaration to the rest of the field at the Giro d’Italia. Substitute “father” with “chance to repeat my Tour victory” a little later in the year and you have his war cry at the Vuelta.
The parallels of these quotes and the whole doping scene are endless. For example, would Farmer Ted have had the most amazing night of his life before waking up in the back seat of a Rolls Royce with the hottest girl in school if he had not mistakenly thought that he and his dopey friends were safe from harm before they entered the party at Jake Ryan’s house?
But unfortunately, sometimes the whole process of enforcing the rules gets a little out of hand and you occasionally end up with a guy like Rooney who turns it into a personal vendetta against those he is trying to control. This never works out well for anyone, although I would probably prefer Ed’s dog attack and subsequent beatdown by Jennifer Grey to a courtroom battle against the Anti-Doping Establishment. At least he had a brief chance against the Dirty Dancer. But if you go up against an "-ADA" of any kind, it's pretty much "Pucker up Buttercup."
So whether you think that Tyler stuck it to everyone that has stuck it to him or not, the fact remains that he is now the guy with the Stars & Stripes jersey (pending Rock Racing actually racing in 2009) and seems to have reclaimed a more pleasant position than the one he had been in for the last few years. “Whew, you ever serve time, Doc?”
Little did we know that the formerly overlooked Christian Vande Velde was beginning to make a Ronald Miller-esque jump in reputation and results after briefly donning la maglia rosa and going on to sit at the cool clique’s table at the Tour a few months later. Apparently he kept mowing Cindy Mancini’s lawn because the former Boulder-ite then went on to fend off a ferocious Columbia team in Missouri while Courtney Gains, the creepy red-headed friend looked sadly at the podium from the back of the crowd.
Although Cavendish was remarkably fast, it should be noted that he had had the distinct benefit of a much stronger team than Michael J. Fox. I mean, besides being an average of about 35 years old, the Beavers were a pretty feeble group to begin with. The 37 year-old fat guy character was even eating a sandwich during some of the games. What’s that about, Chubs? Enjoy the show man, you’re playing hoops with a freaking werewolf! And killing everyone! And no one seems to care that you have a werewolf on your team! Appreciate this while it lasts! I don’t recall Hincapie or Ciolek snacking during a lead out. Although Melanie’s husband does kind of look a little like Mick, the 33 year old guy who played for the Dragons.
But LA has a little Cobra Kai in him too and may have begun to miss leading chants of “Strike first, Strike hard, No Mercy, Sir!” I just hope that he learns from the trainwreck that was Karate Kid 3 and doesn’t show up looking like someone wearing a Ralph Macchio fat suit. Somehow I don’t foresee that being a concern but then again, it’s got to be tough to stay hungry when you've done it all before and have it all at your fingertips. Why do you think they had to get Hilary Swank for the 4th Karate Kid installment?
Speaking B-Wiggs...I am still trying to figure him out. First of all, the guy’s haircut is so unbelievably bad that it must have cost him hundreds of dollars. It sounds kind of counter-intuitive, but I figure that the worst looking haircuts actually tend to cost the most. Think about it. I mean, there is no way that someone would walk into a Cost Cutters, get butchered and walk out looking like Bradley Wiggins without demanding their money back and thinking that their barber was drunk. But...if you go into some fancy pants Salon in London and the “Stylist” tells you that the chainsaw look is super hot right now – you (or Bradley Wiggins) probably shell out the $200 and walk out the door thinking you’re the Shiz.
Although similar, this story is far less noteworthy than the tragic “I Thought We Were Playing Duck Hunt” incident involving Greg LeMond and his Brother-in-Law back in 1987. Video games sure have come a long way since then.
After all, nothing says bike racing like a Mexican-based meat-packing conglomerate. Alas, farewell American Beef, we hardly knew ye.
First of all, the roads themselves are almost always dangerously twisty and narrow. Adding to the frightening effect are strategically placed potholes as well as numerous pedestrians and dogs who are deceptively good at keeping you nervous by hiding any recognition that there is a huge metal vehicle whipping past them by inches. The fact that we were driving in a Suzuki Jimny (the smaller, wobblier successor to the old Samurai – I don’t even think they are allowed to sell them in the U.S.) which seemed on the verge of rolling over when sticking my arm out the window, let alone when swerving to avoid a group of school children or pothole, did not enhance any sense of safety.
Basically, it seems like everyone in Costa Rica is trying to get to a fire. Speed limits and road conditions are evidently not deemed significant if they impede one from passing any and every vehicle in front of them as quickly as possible. But here’s where the Ticos trick you. Because just when you start to think that maybe the guy who darted into oncoming traffic on a blind corner before a one-lane bridge to get around you (when you are already doing 20kph over the posted speed limit) is actually responding to some kind of emergency, then he is just as likely to abruptly pull over to say a polite hello to a friend or kindly give someone a ride somewhere as if time had no significance whatsoever. Truly amazing.
I keep getting flashes of them, as well as Ricco and Piepoli, up on the podium, happily accepting flowers and jerseys like they had done nothing wrong. It’s pretty disturbing to imagine what was (or wasn’t) racing through their brains as they reconciled their dope-driven success. They all seemed rather pleased with themselves, although it’s hard to imagine how they could have slept at night out of both guilt and anxiety. Especially after they knew that a test had been developed for CERA. I wonder how many other riders are waiting nervously for more results to be confirmed from the Tour and the Olympics.
First of all, it should be noted that Interbike attendees are rather conspicuous in Sin City. Generally speaking, it is rather easy to determine who is affiliated with the show from the regular Vegas folk. For example, I found myself getting a little lost after departing the shuttle at The Venetian and ended up finding a guy with expensive sunglasses and bright colored running shoes who kindly directed me through the secret Harrah's route. I was thinking about asking the elderly couple with matching velour sweat suits or the group of dangerously inebriated (at 10:30 in the morning) guys in tank tops and Tap Out shirts where Interbike was located...but I guess I made the right choice with the guy who dressed like me. Go figure.
According to the event guide, Interbike had "over 1,000 brands" but it seemed like there were twice that many. Regardless, it was actually bigger than I had anticipated. There is a premium on marketing within the cycling industry and it was clear that many companies were making significant efforts to portray themselves well at his event - as were many of the other attendees with expensive glasses and bright shoes.
I then recounted my memories of him winning in San Rafael when I was 12 years old, over the likes of Eric Heiden, Tom Schuler (the reigning USPRO Champ) and the rest of Team Slurpee and Team Tooth (Crest). On a side note, I recall Marianne Berglund winning the women’s event that day – and gaining many male fans in Marin along the way. I also remembered something about a rather shocking 
1999 was just a bad year for the Diff’rent Strokes family altogether, as it marked the passing of Dana Plato as well. Generally remembered for her portrayal of Kimberly Drummond, I tend to recall her post-Strokes cameo on Growing Pains as the Madonna-esque, virginity-preying girlfriend of young Mike Seaver. But that’s just me…
- The Euro was introduced as a unifying form of European currency. Elsewhere the Dollar was quoted as saying, “Uh oh.”
- Boris Yeltsin resigned as President of Russia. I don’t recall this being terribly important to me at the time but in retrospect, I find it curious that this event seems to make 1999 seem like a very long time ago. At least physically, Yeltsin always reminded me of Golden State Warriors coach Don Nelson. Okay, I’m starting to run out of events now…
Man, 1999 seems like a long time ago…
I really do like The Games though, even if I have to reconcile some serious issues with the host country, Al Trautwig, and the IOC in an effort to truly appreciate the athletes. Part of me just can’t help but be skeptical of a few performances but for the most part, the Olympics provide an opportunity to see the best of the best - often competing in events that hardly anyone will care about for another 3 years and 60 some-odd days. “Hello Badminton, my name is Field Hockey. Have you met Synchronized Diving? Didn’t think so.”
If it weren’t for the bronze medal that The Mayor of Santa Rosa brought back to the Golden State from the TT, I may have had to comment on the footage of Levi seemingly marking Fab-Can’s move and then looking around and sitting up. Oh wait, I guess I just did. Now…it would be rather foolish to suggest that anyone in the world could have gone with The Swiss Cheese at that point but man…it would have been nice if LL Cool Heimer could have held that wheel and been able to contest the final climb with the leaders. Oh well…11th in the RR and Bronze in the TT has to be regarded as a great week.
This brief state of pleasure was subsequently shattered upon flipping back to NBC and realizing that I had missed the beginning of the Pursuit coverage because it was being broadcast at THE SAME TIME as the Points Race. Then my head exploded as I tried to come to grips with the fact that the Donkeys in charge of Olympic programming had decided to basically screw those of us who actually thought we were going to be able to watch all of the events without the need for multiple television sets.
I’ve always wondered about the jewelry/accessories thing in cycling as well. How many dudes will drill holes in their derailleur cages and then wear a huge watch or necklace while they race. Huh? Am I missing something here? I know that there is a weight limit for the bikes but don’t the pounds you carry on your body have something to do with the end result as well?
Plus – the showboating and post-race foolishness (seriously, who poses like that? Tyra?), combined with an apparent total lack of humility or respect for any other athletes (past or present) has been a bit difficult to tolerate and has not exactly endeared the young man to my particular tastes. Or Jacques Rogge’s for that matter. When the notoriously lenient IOC Chief starts dissing you in public – perhaps you’ve stretched the boundaries of sportsmanship a little too far.
As always, there is room for interpretation in this process and while I have attempted to maintain a certain level of objectivity, it should be acknowledged that my personal feelings on this subject have been developed over many years of informal data collection. I say informal because I was rarely graded or paid for my efforts, but in reality I have pursued knowledge of the sport with equal or greater vigor than any educational or occupational pursuits. Additionally, since the overwhelming majority of my experience with this subject has taken place within the United States, it is also important to note that my conclusions are based on the unique experience of following a largely European sport from an American cultural perspective.
Anyway, at this point it will be helpful to identify the basic reasons that people become fans of a sport to begin with. The driving forces that make people sports fans, have been studied by psychologists, such as Dan Wann at Murray State University and they generally attribute people becoming fans to the following factors:
And here is where the perceptual element of being a cycling fan in America gets tricky. If you are like me, the L.A. Effect was appreciated for its presentation of the sport to an audience that would otherwise never have taken an interest but at the same time, it generated a mild resentment for the occasionally blatant “Band Wagon” followers. I wrote 
This final point is worth looking into in greater detail and I will expand on this premise shortly. But in the meantime, I will offer a few internal dilemmas:
My jinxing abilities were also on display during the 2007 Tour when I wrote a "creative" 
After recent news from France that Ricardo Ricco has tested positive for traces of EPO, it seems that The Cobra is the latest victim of my jinxing skills. I think the final straw was when I busted out the Photoshop and put the Cobra logo on his jersey in my 
With the departure of Moreau as a potential target for the next CaliRado Jinx, it will be interesting to see who is next on the list. I kind of feel like Christopher Walken in The Dead Zone, only my visions are largely humorous and generally include various popular culture references. Thankfully I don't see the people die - just their careers. Farewell Cobra, it was [sort of] fun while it lasted. 
While the Tour may be the premier event in bicycle racing, it should be noted that the core of the sport and the heart of its future, lies squarely within the public. Within those of us who have been fortunate enough to find our passion on two wheels, whether our own or those of the professionals who push the limits of athletic performance for our entertainment. The racers at the Tour represent the pinnacle of performance on the bike but the foundation is built on the masses that move at a far slower speed. 
For those of you who may not know, Alan McCormack is a TRUE cyclist by every definition of the word and potentially the best possible role model for all of the kids that watched him beat out guys half his age last Sunday. Having started racing as a junior in Ireland (his Father was an accomplished racer) and competing in everything from the Olympics to the Giro d'Italia to the Coors Classic, The Leprechaun has been doing it longer and better than anyone I can think of. I cannot do justice to McCormack's career in this format but take my word on it, the guy is as legit as it gets. I hope to write more about him soon. 
It was truly a privilege to witness the full spectrum of age and ability in cycling this past weekend. Despite Triki Beltran's positive EPO test and the apparent dissolution of the Pro Tour, appreciation for the bicycle seems to be growing on our side of the pond and I can't help but be optimistic about the future of this beautiful sport. 
Most people assume that Ricco calls himself “The Cobra” because of his attacking style and reputation for venomous strikes aimed at opponents, both on and off the bike. But in fact, the reason behind the nickname has nothing to do with his tactics or personality, instead owing itself to his long term fascination with an American cartoon.
The sport of cycling has a number of individuals who have taken on nicknames associated with characters from children’s programs and cartoons such as David Rebellin (Tintin), Michael Rasmussen (The Chicken) and Manuel Beltran (Triki – a Spanish Cookie Monster) among others. While Ricco admits that his chosen moniker is not original in this sense, he firmly contends that “The Cobra” is better because “the bad guys are always way cooler than the good guys. I mean, why do you think I signed with Saunier-Duval?”
While this last part remains to be seen, it seems clear that unless Garmin-Chipotle or Columbia signs Sgt. Slaughter or Snake Eyes in the offseason, The Cobra may be here to stay. Reports that Leonardo Piepoli is going to paint his head silver and start calling himself “Destro” have not been confirmed.
Even though Stefan Schumacher is rocking a slightly Buddhist look with the bald head, it might take a while to appreciate the Karmic justice of being 
Speaking of the Republic of Columbia, General Hincapie and President Stapleton must be incredibly happy with Captain Kirchen and the rest of the fleet so far. Garmin-Chipotle may be more of a sentimental favorite for the public but the former High Roaders are giving CSC a run for the title of Best Pro Team. In fact, the inclusion of the Women's program makes Columbia a clear leader in the world of professional cycling.
By the way, I wasn't kidding when I said President Stapleton - I would vote for him in a second. Let's start a write-in campaign. Who's with me?
I have been listening to the Eurosport audio in the morning and Sean Kelly completely calls him Cattle Evans. It's not even close to Cuh-del. I've heard that Evans will correct people on the pronunciation from time to time but I wonder if he would have the stones to say anything to Kelly. Anyway, I recommend listening if you don't have video for the morning coverage. Or can't covertly watch it online at work.
For the record, Toyota United were the cool clique and swept the podium with Ben Day, Ivan Stevic and Jonny Clarke out of a break that consisted of Phil Zajicek, Colby Pierce and Jason Donald among others. Len Pettyjohn then mentioned that the TUP guys had done 5 hours before the race. Oh, okay...I guess that 6th hour is when you really start flying.
Actually, I've only listened to it once but I'm concerned that my style is a little more like the ladies from the "Delicious Dish" sketch on SNL. Good times. I'm glad it was Will and not Alec Baldwin (aka Pete Schweddy) on the other end of the line.
Specifically, the reverse-footage is exceedingly depressing, a little offensive and the song kind of makes me want to kill myself. Or start doing drugs to numb my ears and the resulting suicidal tendencies. Good job VS!! Only two and a half more weeks to go!! I hope we all make it. The riders might be clean but now the entire viewing public will be pill-popping alcoholics by the end of the month.
From the historically low-cut socks (a little triathlon-weird looking but still better than Moreau's white tube socks), to the prematurely balding, yet oddly Jheri-curlish hair (just shave it off dude, trust me), to the overly-coordinated yellow, black and red of his new Spanish National Champion's kit (the yellow on the bike and helmet make it seem like he's trying too hard), the man who may or may not be DIRECTLY linked to Operacion Puerto has track record of questionable style (and nickname) choices. 
Anyway, despite the relative ease with which he won Stage 1 and coasted to the finish of Stage 2, I am sticking to my prediction that bad things will surface for Valv.Piti and he will not be sporting those garish yellow-gold Oakleys in Paris. ASO cannot be happy that he is prowling the top of the GC right now. "Umm…can someone get that Spanish judge on the line? Patrice Clerc would like to speak with him."
These things I know: The sun will rise again and Thor Hushovd will win a stage of the Tour de France.
Next Stop for Garmin-Chipotle: A Yellow Jersey for David Millar after the TT tomorrow. Cancellara can't possibly win again, can he? We'll see.
Often, a key element in effectively managing expectations is clearly acknowledging that uncontrollable events may occur which affect the desired Outcome. No matter the extent of due diligence, things happen from time to time which cannot be anticipated or avoided. Understanding this fact and being prepared to deal with the consequences of unforeseen events generally creates an environment in which the gaps between Expectations, Delivered Value and Perceived Value can be minimized, often resulting in a greater sense of satisfaction for the parties involved.
If we are to believe Clerc, German Television and the rest of the Doomsayers, even the very real possibility of a false positive could potentially ruin the reputation of a sport that really is trying to clean up. The entire field could be fed bread and water for months leading up to the Tour but if a highly sensitive spectrometer in France has an optic that is slightly degraded or out of alignment - a false positive could surface and “destroy the reputation of the Tour and the sport.” 
Again, is it rational to fear that an unforeseen and uncontrollable event, isolated to one individual, will make all prior and existing efforts of everyone else involved in the sport less valid?
Primarily, I get frustrated that this is the only day of the year during which I will see 99% of these people. But after some thought (as well as nearly getting taken out by a gaggle of ignorant and dangerous “commuters” on both morning and lunch rides), I have realized that this may not be a bad thing.
Unfortunately, I have unwittingly stumbled upon Bike To Work Day over the last few years while on my near-daily ride to the Lab and may actually plan on driving to work next year instead. It will probably be safer than attempting to navigate the bike routes and numerous helmet-less donkeys populating them on this one day of the year. Seriously, I saw more people almost crash or get hit by cars this morning than I have in the other 364 days of the year combined. This can’t be a good thing can it?
Does anyone else think that it may be slightly problematic to have a single day in which the number of bicycle commuters increases by a factor of 10? And the overwhelming majority of the increase consists of dangerously unsafe people who rarely, if ever, ride their bikes? Call me crazy but this just seems like a recipe for disaster and frustration – for both drivers and other cyclists alike.
I would like to conclude by extending my apologies to anyone who may feel insulted by some of these comments. I’m sorry that you don’t have a helmet, a safe bike or a basic understanding of traffic and bike path safety. Trust me, I do feel bad about that. But in the words of Snoop Dogg, “Don’t get mad. I’m only being real.”
I’m just happy that no one from the Amore & Vita-McDonalds team won so we wouldn’t have to bear the sight of that kit again. Metlushenko is legit though.
With that said, sometimes I think they should make the Tour 
Interestingly, I had a fairly lengthy discussion with a gaggle of soon-to-be Aunts the night before Slipstream won the 
Maybe they 
I would say that the all-white kit is a Euro thing but Ryan 
I guess at the end of the day, I’ll base my opinion off of the various insults I received after admitting that I ride with an 
It is ludicrous that I once used to put in 500+ mile weeks with no music. At this point, I can barely fathom making my 3.5 mile commute to and from work without my Apple companion. Seriously, riding solo without my iPod is now similar to riding without a helmet. Something just doesn’t feel right. The bike still works the same and the legs are normal but there is just something missing.
Alejandro Valverde – Almost everyone acknowledges that Valverde is a phenomenally talented bike racer. But most people are unaware of the fact that he really wants to be a pop singer. In fact, his greatest hero is Enrique Iglesias. Whether this is due to the music or the fact that Julio’s son is dating Anna Kournikova remains to be seen.
Side note: Colin Hay, the lead singer from MAW is pretty baritone and the thought of Cadel singing tunes with his little munchkin voice made me laugh up some Cytomax when I was on my ride. Just thought you should know.
Tom Boonen – Staying true to his Belgian roots, Boonen is all about the music of his homeland. Sadly, Belgium doesn’t exactly have a huge presence in the global music industry and Tomeke has been forced to listen to Technotronic on a daily basis since they came out with “Pump Up The Jam” in the early Nineties. It has even been reported that lead singer Ya Kid K traded a signed cassette tape of their only hit single for one of Boonen’s World Champion jerseys.
Christophe Moreau – It’s all about Celine Dion for Le Chien and it is well known that he will listen to nothing other than the French-Canadian songstress. Moreau was actually in Las Vegas last year during Interbike but never made it to the exhibition because he was waiting outside Celine Dion’s dressing room the entire time. When they finally met she told him that he needed to race more intelligently.
The creator of “Rock Me Amadeus” was an important role model for Kohl until his untimely passing a few years ago and the rider dedicated his 2006 national championship victory to the singer/rapper. Seriously though, Falco is often referred to as a rapper or hip hop musician which is…interesting.
It should also be noted that D-Zab is quite fond of Dr. Dre and “The Chronic.” Where do you think the slogan “DZ’s Nuts” came from? “Did what’s his name get at ya?”
Since 2004, Cunego has been saddled with the unfortunate nickname “The Little Prince” after his stunning victory in the Giro d’Italia at the age of 22. But despite his diminutive size and similar appearance to the lead character in the famous book by Saint-Exupery, the Italian has made it clear that he no longer wants to be referred to as “The Little” anything.
A thoroughly confused British reporter then asked for clarification of what he was talking about, to which Cunego responded, "Don't get me wrong, I liked Purple Rain and respect the guy as a musician but I really don’t know how much I have in common with Prince. It is true that we both dated Carmen Electra for awhile but beyond that, there are not too many similarities. Plus, the guy is like 5'2" and about 90lbs so I am pretty much like Magnus Backstedt compared to him."
"There is also the fact that we have both gone on to outshine the guys that were our original partners. The Fresh Prince has kind of left DJ Jazzy Jeff in the dust when it comes to mainstream popularity and some could say that I have done the same thing to Gilberto Simoni. We began as a team but it was clear early on who had the most star power," explained Cunego to the crowd of reporters.
At this point, a Belgian reporter asked if Cunego was still a fan of The Doors and Jim Morrison, which has been widely publicized over the past years. The blonde Italian responded, "Well, I still like The Doors but I am becoming a much bigger Hip Hop fan now. That's part of the reason I want to be called 'The Fresh Prince.' I was thinking about maybe calling myself 'Prince Diddy' or 'MC Cunnilego' but those weren't very catchy. We don't have much good Hip Hop music to listen to over here in Europe so I am only really familiar with a few acts but I'm getting better. I just found out about Wu-Tang Clan and really like ODB a lot."
After yet another frustrating Classics campaign, George Hincapie will no doubt take solace in this notion. Following yet another badly timed mechanical in Paris-Roubaix, Melanie’s husband will no doubt have to overcome whispers that he is too old to ever win the Hell of the North. But while time may not be his strongest ally at this point, the date on your driver’s license is rarely an indication of how fast you can ride a bike or how lucky you can be on any given Sunday in Hell.
Gabrielle Carteris was in her 30’s when she played Andrea Zuckerman in Beverly Hills 90210. Seriously, for the first year of the show she was playing a character that was literally half her age. But even as old as she seemed, it should be noted that she was only a couple years older than Dylan McKay and Steve Sanders in real life. Sanders had the curly mullet and dolphin shorts to distract the eyes but Dylan showed that High Schoolers could have receding hairline and still be cool.
On a brief side note, Beverly Hills 90210 is my choice as the most Unintentionally Funny television program of all time. It is absolutely hilarious. For reasons I will not get into right now, I started watching Nine-Oh in college and have always considered it a Comedy. Between the fashion, the casting, the acting and the storylines, it is truly right up there behind Seinfeld and Cheers. Tori Spelling was a comedic genius and she didn’t even know it.
For reference, his given name is Hendrik Gerardus Jozef Zoetemelk but he went by “Joop.” Kind of like Arthur Fonzarelli just went by “Fonzie.”
Speaking of Happy Days, C-Mac pointed out the other day that both Joanie and Chachi are currently on television regularly. Not much to say here, but I just thought you should know that in 2008, Joanie and Chachi are both still on TV. But Ralph Malph is nowhere to be seen. Is this progress?
Similarly, Robert Romanus will always be known best for his portrayal of Mike Damone, the ticket scalping dirt bag from Fast Times at Ridgemont High even though he famously reprised the role of Natalie Green’s boyfriend “Snake” in the later years of the Facts of Life. I am not sure exactly how old Romanus was when he played that character but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was pushing 40 like Duclos-Lassalle in Roubaix.
It could be argued that the students in the sitcom Head of the Class were in the advanced learning program because they were all old enough to be in grad school. The uber-nerdy Arvid Engen was just the most glaring example. After all, this is the show that had Robin Givens (who was married to Mike Tyson in real life) playing a High School student on television.
Does anyone remember the episode where they go to the former USSR with the debate team? That was excellent. Kind of like Rocky IV with nerds. And Dr. Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinnati.
Now, I have been forced to watch Grease a few times and my biggest problem with the entire movie (and I have lots of problems with it) is the fact that they had a 34 year old Stockard Channing playing Rizzo, a high school student. 34!!! The whole movie is kind of a joke in that nearly everyone was way too old, but still. 34? That’s just insulting.
I know I have left out a lot of racers that have been successful into their 30’s as well as many older actors playing younger characters, but this will have to do for now. I’m still trying to get over the fact that Andrea Zuckerman is pushing 50. I feel old.
Interestingly, Hincapie never would have made it on Beverly Hills 90210 or Head of the Class because he has always looked older than he is. I remember that he even had full-on 5 o’clock shadow at Junior Nationals back in the day. Twenty years later I still can’t grow a beard but Big George had one back in 1988. I call this the “Greg Oden Effect” but that is another topic for another day.
It makes perfect sense when you think about it. If there is a small group going into the finale, the sprinters who made the selection will have maybe one teammate with them if they are lucky. And the chances that those teammates will be on the verge of cracking is pretty high. The team leaders (Pozzato, Freire etc) are not going to chase any moves at that point because they will be thinking about the sprint. So, beside the teammates that leaves maybe a couple guys who don’t have strong kicks to take the responsibility of chasing down a late attack with the slim hopes that they can bridge and get away solo by themselves. Not bloody likely. It was the perfect scenario for a late move and Cancellara made it look easy.
I know I heckled the 
I don’t care how good the racing is…San Dimas will always be known as the hometown of Bill and Ted in my book. It seems that Oscar Sevilla certainly could have used their Phone Booth Time Machine last weekend. “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.”
So, in conclusion…Fabian Cancellara is quite strong, Rock Racing needs a better watch sponsor, it’s a tough life being a Cat. 2 in Boulder and Jens Voigt eats pieces of sh*t like the Criterium International for breakfast. Any questions?
Anyway, all surname silliness aside, respect should be given for the following list of events won by The Rebel Without A Consistently Pronounced Name. There are not many other riders out there right now with a resume like this:
I had the chance to meet Gesink for a brief moment before the TT at the Tour of California and he seems like a pretty cool guy. He certainly fits the Tall & Skinny mold for great Dutch riders and of course, speaks nearly perfect English. His quote from Paris-Nice actually reminded me of the old Saturday Night Live commercial for an adult diaper product called “Oops I Crapped My Pants.” For those who do not recall (I feel sorry for you), the bit ended with an older man looking into the camera and saying “Thanks, Oops I Crapped My Pants…I just did.” Classic. Perhaps Gesink has seen this sketch too, and perhaps he will not be so quick to don the yellow shorts next time.
LL Cool Sanchez’ frantic final stretch along the harbor in Nice provided great drama and actually reminded me of one of the most harrowing experiences of my entire life. Back in the day, I rented a scooter in Nice and rode up through Monaco and returned via Eze back to the city. Despite getting hollered at by a cop in Monte Carlo for not having rear-view mirrors on my rented scooter, it was an amazing day. That is, until I got back to Nice. I ended up getting turned around and kind of lost during rush-hour traffic in the city, with the clock ticking on my scooter return and immediately used up about 6 lives dodging through the maniacal French traffic on my way back to the motorcycle shop.
Then the rental guy told me the gas was too low and charged me extra anyway. Sweet! I was pretty annoyed at the time but in retrospect it was worth it, because now I know what it’s like racing through the heart of Nice. Well, at least on a scooter. In rush-hour traffic.
Just to recap some of the recent foolishness for those who actually follow REAL politics and global news:
What they have also failed to acknowledge is the fact that even the most basic negotiation requires a firm understanding of what you are willing to concede. And since the current crop of rider and team representatives are apparently not willing to concede a single race - even though this will almost certainly force additional concessions in the future – they have little shot at leveraging any power over the race organizers. They could have gotten off of their bikes and put their collective foot down. Instead they "chose" to enter one of many available races and lost a very rare opportunity to take a unified stand for the future of their sport.
I keep hearing people mention that the sport of cycling is going through some kind of “cultural change” with regard to doping but quite frankly, I fear that a failure to establish a proper balance of power between the UCI, Race Organizers and Riders is a far greater threat. Doping is largely individual but with the sport in its current hierarchy, we are headed down the path of institutionalized inequality.
Okay...I'm cruising around the staging area of the Time Trial in Solvang and I notice Pat McQuaid and Jim Ochowicz walking a few feet behind me. I rarely ask for a picture with people at bike races but it's not often that you have immediate opportunities with the President of the UCI and the one and only "Och" so I quickly asked if my Father could take a picture of me with "two of the biggest guys in cycling."
As a side note, does it concern anyone out there that Hein Verbruggen is still a Vice-President of the UCI? It could be argued that this is the guy who instigated the development of the ProTour as well as much of the on-going conflict with the ASO. He is well-known for being exceedingly stubborn and I am quite sure, still has significant influence over how the sport of professional cycling is run. I'm just not sure it helps pave the way for a positive future when there is so much old, bad blood still pulling strings in both the UCI and ASO. McQuaid and Prudhomme are like sons that inherit their Father's battles.
Anyway, I crossed paths with the Irishman again before the start in Santa Barbara. He recognized me this time and I jokingly asked him to give me odds for Astana making it to the Tour de France this year. He chuckled and then looked me dead in the eye and said, "I wouldn't give any."
Anyway, I thought this would be a good opportunity to tap into the deep reservoir of humor that is the Governor of California. I am speaking of none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger, bodybuilder, actor, politician…comedian. Now let’s recap the action of Stage 2 with the help of a few select Governator soundbites.
Let’s go to the tapes for a recap of the action:
Well, the pie he won last week must have been pretty good because the gap is building. Fast. So this is probably a good opportunity to point out that a quick Googling of “Jackson Stewart” reveals the unfortunate reality that this is also the name of a character on the television show Hannah Montana. And if I’m not mistaken, this show somehow involves Billy Ray Cyrus. That sucks for Jackson Stewart.
So it seems that (Ms) Jackson (if you’re nasty) Stewart has a pretty massive gap as the field hits the base of the Coleman Valley Road climb. Danny the Pate is up at the front with all the other players, including Levi, Cancellara and even Big Tom Boonen. There are some surges over the top but everyone will certainly come back together quickly.
The finish is tough to see because it comes out of a tunnel on a little rise but you got the sense that it was in the bag when Cancellara sat up and put his hands in the air about 20 meters before J.J. even crossed the line. After a textbook set up by Bjarne’s boys, the big Argentinean jumped first and no one could match him for his 5th ToC stage win.
So that’s it for Stage 1, as J.J. Haedo takes another one for CSC and Fabian Cancellara retains the overall lead. The links to guys named J.J. and bike racing are obvious but I still have one question.
Much to our amusement, the party had just been joined by Fred Savage aka Kevin Arnold from the Wonder Years. He had kind of a weird posse of kids with him but I didn’t see Paul Pfeifer or Winnie Cooper anywhere. We made lots of Winnie Cooper jokes that night. Believe it or not, kids at Stanford can be pretty funny too.
Question: Seriously, what’s the deal with police officers and mustaches? The other day I was watching a show on the History Channel about these Illinois cops who saw a UFO and they each had the exact same facial hair strategy - non-existent side-burns and a big bushy ‘stache. It’s almost like they were trying to look like the dude from The Village People. Maybe Dave Z saw the same show and got inspired. Or vice versa.
- Speaking of Cofidis refugees, the follically challenged Bradley Wiggins almost got the "W" for the new California-based High Road outfit. The new kits are a significant improvement over the pink past of T-Mobile but Wiggins is still apparently having problems finding a fully-sighted barber to complete the look upgrade. Good thing there is a helmet rule.
Further enhancing rumors that the two American actor/comedians will be extended invitations to the 2008 Tour de France is the recent announcement that Giro d’Italia organizers RCS have requested that Sophia Loren and Francis Ford Coppola replace Astana and High Road at the start line of the second most prestigous stage race in the world.
When questioned about Hasselhoff’s recent issues with alcohol, the source quickly responded, "Hey, we're French remember? If we took umbrage with every alcoholic out there…well, let me tell you, we just don't have that kind of time.
Questions about overall competitiveness and race quality went unanswered as the source was called away by ASO officials to view a Nutty Professor/Baywatch Nights double feature.
I will try to add as much cycling stuff to this as I can since I would rather be watching Slipstream dominate the Tour of the Bahamas right now. But since it’s easier to find high school football on TV than cycling, I guess the biggest sporting event in the country will have to do instead.
Remember the Plymouth-Reebok cycling team back in the day? From back when aerobics classes were booming and shiny white Reeboks were radically awesome? And both McCormack brothers were killing everyone in their British flag-splashed jerseys? I remember.
Anyway, Ahmad Bradshaw just fumbled for the Giants but recovered the ball. That’s an interception, sack and fumble on consecutive plays for the G-Men if you’re scoring at home. Or if you’re alone.
Bradshaw just made a nice run and Troy Aikman said that he “shot the gap.” This makes me think of the many uses of the term “gap” in cycling. “Get a gap” “Close the gap” “The gap is widening” “The area in between Bob Roll and Michael Strahan’s front teeth” and many more. For more information, see Chris Horner’s piece in the movie PRO for a great tutorial in the usage of the term “gap.”
But the most memorable part of the day came as we watched the Charles Barkley group play toward us. Despite one of the worst looking swings ever, Barkley had driven the ball right into the center of the fairway and proceeded to drill his approach shot to about 4 feet from the pin.
Honestly, part of my issue with Terry Bradshaw is not even his own fault. It’s actually because C-Mac occasionally makes me watch Sex and the City from time to time and Sarah Jessica Parker’s character is named Carrie Bradshaw. I find this name similarity absolutely MADDENING.
At this point we switched over to the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet. Now this is great show. It was all fun and games until one of the little pooches committed a Personal Foul on the field while the terrier called a timeout and flopped over in the corner to take a nap. This is totally better than the Super Bowl.
Jeru: “I know this may be a sore subject but what are your thoughts on the defense strategy and evidence employed by Floyd Landis and his legal team? Do you have any thoughts about the fact that the French Lab mishandled the samples?” 
Jeru: “Okay, that wasn’t really an answer but…fair enough. No surprise there. So anyway, it seems that there would be some kind of opportunity for WADA to develop a closer relationship with the riders and cycling’s governing bodies such as the UCI and various national federations. Do you think more open communication between all interested parties would assist in the effort to establish clear standards and foster a sense of teamwork in the fight against doping?” 
Jeru: “Okay, now that didn’t make any sense at all. How many of those beers have you had, Dick? I thought Canadians were supposed to be big beer drinkers. We may need to cut you off.” 
Anyway, I considered attempting to explain that Canada is technically “America” too, but decided that I was better off ending the conversation there. After lying about my boarding time to San Jose to get away from him, the realization hit me that Dick Pound, whether you agreed with him or not, was a truly entertaining character during his time at WADA. Often inflammatory and insulting, but entertaining nonetheless. I think I will miss his clownishness.